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Johnny Depp Interrupts Libel Case To Duck Behind Witness Stand, Pop Up In Judge’s Robes Banging Oversized Gavel

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 16:48

LONDON—During testimony Thursday in his libel case against a U.K. newspaper group, Johnny Depp reportedly interrupted court proceedings when he ducked behind the witness stand and suddenly popped up behind the bench in judge’s robes and a powdered wig, banging an oversized gavel. “Hear ye, hear ye, I doth find the…

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Categories: The Onion

How A Case Gets To The Supreme Court

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 15:03

The Supreme Court is back in session making rulings that will affect the lives of millions of Americans, shining a spotlight on how cases arrive to be heard by the nation’s highest judicial body. The Onion takes a step-by-step look at how a case makes it to the Supreme Court.

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Categories: The Onion

Apologetic DeSean Jackson Pledges To Learn More By Going To Hitler Museum

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 15:02

PHILADELPHIA—Responding to the backlash after posting a quote misattributed to the Nazi leader on his Instagram page, an apologetic DeSean Jackson pledged to deepen his understanding of anti-semitism by visiting the Hitler Museum. “I know I screwed up and I promise to do the work of educating myself on the historical…

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Categories: The Onion

Supreme Court Rules Employers Can Opt Out Of Birth Control Coverage

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 14:48

The Supreme Court ruled 7-2 that employers with moral or religious objections do not have to provide no-cost birth control coverage to women, as had previously been required under the Affordable Care Act. What do you think?

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Categories: The Onion

Total Banger On Grocery Store Loudspeaker Interrupted For Lost Child Announcement

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 14:29

LINCOLN, NE—Shoppers at a local Fareway Grocery were reportedly annoyed Thursday after a total banger on the loudspeaker was interrupted for a missing child announcement. “I was just starting to groove out to ‘Kodachrome’ when the store manager cuts in for some bullshit about parents who can’t find their kid,” said…

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Categories: The Onion

Teen Who Died From Coronavirus Probably Had Undiagnosed Old Age

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 14:27

PHOENIX—Noting that the medical problem was common in these sorts of cases, sources confirmed Thursday that 17-year-old Kevin Albright, a local teenager who died of coronavirus, probably had undiagnosed old age. “Sure, it’s obviously a tragedy anytime someone loses their life to the coronavirus, but in this case, it’s…

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Categories: The Onion

Panicking Professional Poker Player Suddenly Can’t Remember Whether Ace Is Better Than King

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 13:50

LAS VEGAS—Feeling completely helpless while staring down at his cards, professional poker player Tony Eggold reportedly began to panic Thursday after suddenly realizing he couldn’t remember whether an ace was better than a king. “Okay, okay focus—I have $147,000 in the pot right now, so I’ve got to figure this out…

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Categories: The Onion

Cam Newton Scrambling To Get Up To Speed After Patriots Send Him Playbook Of Every NFL Team

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 13:30

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Hurriedly trying to organize the dozens of boxes from around the league ahead of his preseason season debut, Cam Newton told reporters Thursday that he was scrambling to get up to speed after the New England Patriots sent him a playbook of every NFL team. “This is thousands of pages, it’s going to take…

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Categories: The Onion

Cursed Responders

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 13:04
Categories: The Onion

Service + Solidarity Spotlight: UNITE HERE Raises $2.5 Million to Support Members Impacted by COVID-19

AFL-CIO Weblog - Thu, 2020-07-09 12:58
Service + Solidarity Spotlight: UNITE HERE Raises $2.5 Million to Support Members Impacted by COVID-19

During the COVID-19 pandemic and widespread protests in response to the killing of George Floyd, working people across the United States have stepped up to help out our friends, neighbors and communities. In our new Service + Solidarity Spotlight series, we'll showcase one of those stories every day. Here's today's story.

UNITE HERE announced on Monday that it had raised $2.5 million for the union’s Education and Support Fund to provide direct relief to its members and their families who have been impacted by COVID-19. The union reported that more than 60,000 working families in 40 cities have been supported through these contributions. Throughout the pandemic, workers in the hospitality industry have been hit especially hard. Click here to donate to UNITE HERE’s relief effort.

Kenneth Quinnell Thu, 07/09/2020 - 12:58

Tags: COVID-19, Community Service

Union asking Stopand Shop to reconsider discontinuing hazard pay for employees

UFCW 1459 - Thu, 2020-07-09 11:38

Union asking Stopand Shop to reconsider discontinuing hazard pay for employees

“We don’t feel that it’s right that our members are being asked to put themselves at risk more than they would normally do beyond their normal job and they’re not being compensated for putting themselves at risk,” Crystal Bouchie told 22News.

In the Face of Mass Unemployment, We Need a 21st Century WPA

Steward's Corner - Thu, 2020-07-09 10:06
In the Face of Mass Unemployment, We Need a 21st Century WPA July 09, 2020 / Max Page

How can we help the unemployed get good-paying work, advance toward a green world, and get more workers into unions? And at the same time rebuild what has been shattered by two generations of neoliberal attacks—a belief that government's role is to build a more just society?

A 21st century WPA.

Categories: Labor Notes

In the Face of Mass Unemployment, We Need a 21st Century WPA

Magazine Stories - Thu, 2020-07-09 10:06
In the Face of Mass Unemployment, We Need a 21st Century WPA July 09, 2020 / Max Page

How can we help the unemployed get good-paying work, advance toward a green world, and get more workers into unions? And at the same time rebuild what has been shattered by two generations of neoliberal attacks—a belief that government's role is to build a more just society?

A 21st century WPA.

Categories: Labor Notes

FBI Warns Teenage Cyberbullying Driving Hundreds Of Undercover Agents To Suicide

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 09:22

OPR sits down with several former undercover agents who were mocked for their looks, their bad clothes, and the fact that they were all virgins.

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Categories: The Onion

Pandemic Accelerating Decline Of Paper Currency

The Onion - Thu, 2020-07-09 09:06

Analysts say the pandemic has increased the rate at which Americans are abandoning cash in favor of digital payments as businesses and consumers move to online shopping in order to reduce physical contact. What do you think?

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Categories: The Onion

PETITION TO KEEP HAZARD PAY FOR STOP & SHOP WORKERS!

UFCW 1459 - Thu, 2020-07-09 08:30

THE HAZARD PAY IS GONE. THE HAZARD IS NOT!

After months of negotiating to keep hazard pay beyond July 4th, Stop and Shop announced they will discontinue the hazard pay premium for all employees despite the growing number of COVID-19 infection cases around the country.

Speaking Together We Can Stand Up for Our Essential Grocery Workers:

  • Our members continue to put their health and safety on the line in exchange for regular pay only.
  • Stop and Shop continues to rake in millions of dollars in profit during the pandemic, yet they refuse to share the profits with its loyal employees.
  • Masks, social distancing and other safety measures are still in effect and so should the hazard pay.

Sign the petition

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro Tests Positive For Covid-19

The Onion - Wed, 2020-07-08 17:22

Following months of refusing to wear a mask or socially distance, Brazil’s president announced Tuesday that he has Covid-19, telling reporters that he assumed he had already contracted the virus earlier because of his close contact with the public. What do you think?

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Categories: The Onion

Man Can’t Shake Feeling That Someone Other Than Government, Employer, Advertisers Watching Him

The Onion - Wed, 2020-07-08 16:10

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Desperately attempting to free himself from a lingering sense of paranoia, local man Adreese Fowler admitted Wednesday that he just couldn’t seem to shake the creeping sensation that someone other than the government, his employer, and advertisers was watching him. “I keep getting this eerie feeling…

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Categories: The Onion
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