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- Iran: Thousands of Iranian Steelworkers Strike for Better Wages
- United Arab Emirates: COP28: Migrant Rights Essential to Climate Action; Governments Should Confront COP28 Host UAE on Abuses
- Palestine: Fighting for peace and cooperation between Palestinian and Israeli workers in times of war
- Israel: International Trade Unions Urgently Call for Ceasefire in Gaza Amidst Ongoing Human Rights Violations
- Canada: Broad union action for better pay and working conditions in all public services in Quebec
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The Onion
Conservationists Confirm Only Remaining Species Are Humans, Pigeons, Dandelions
Search Party Acting Like They Can’t Spare 3 Minutes To Watch Funny Video
CRESTONE, CO—Overreacting to the mere suggestion that a brief moment of levity might be just what the grim situation called for, a search party assembled to find a missing 7-year-old reportedly acted like they couldn’t spare three minutes Thursday to watch a funny video. “Look, this video isn’t that long, and it’s…
9/11 Truther Questions Why There Were 2 Huge Bull’s-Eyes Painted On Side Of Twin Towers
NEW YORK—Saying he hated to split hairs about such a tragic event, 9/11 truther Ethan Guske nonetheless questioned Thursday why there had been two huge bull’s-eyes painted on the side of the Twin Towers. “Look, I get that this is a hot-button issue, but I’d just like someone to answer how or why there was a pair…
Doctors Find Live Parasitic Worm In Woman’s Brain
A neurosurgeon discovered a live, 3.5-inch-long roundworm, a parasite usually found in snakes, inside the brain of a 64-year-old Australian woman who sought help after experiencing worsening symptoms of forgetfulness and depression. What do you think?
Presidential Candidate Profile: Vivek Ramaswamy
Former biotech executive Vivek Ramaswamy has recently been placing third in polls for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination. The Onion tells you what you need to know about Vivek Ramawsamy.
Quiz: Could You Pass Anti-Woke Diversity Training In Florida?
As part of his war on “woke,” Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida is attempting to ban diversity training in the workplace with HB 7, a law passed by the state legislature that is being challenged in federal court on First Amendment grounds. Could you pass an anti-woke diversity training program in Florida?
U.S. Announces First 10 Drugs For Medicare Price Negotiation
The Biden administration released its list of the first 10 drugs that Medicare will negotiate for price cuts with drugmakers, including some of the most widely prescribed or expensive drugs for conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, and autoimmune conditions. What do you think?
Historian Explains That Pepe The Frog Was Originally A Hindu Symbol
EUGENE, OR—Detailing the cultural origins of an icon that is now most closely associated with Nazis, a historian told reporters Wednesday that Pepe the Frog actually dates back thousands of years and has a rich, storied history as a Hindu religious symbol. “Long before his appropriation by white supremacists and…
Idiot Kid Dies After Being Left In Unlocked Car
PARKERSVILLE, MI—After conducting an investigation that concluded he must have been a certified dipshit, authorities confirmed local idiot kid Dylan Zwillet, 6, died Wednesday after being left in an unlocked car. “It’s always a tragedy when a child is forgotten and dies in a car on a hot day, but there’s no way around…
Mediterranean Tourists Go On Incredible Refugee-Watching Tour
MYKONOS, GREECE—Describing it as a truly awe-inspiring sight of natural beauty, tourists told reporters Wednesday about the incredible refugee-watching tour they recently enjoyed during their trip to the Mediterranean. “At first, the guide said we might not be able to see any refugees because they’re a bit skittish…
Study Finds Paper Straws Contain Toxic ‘Forever Chemicals’
A new European study found that 90% of so-called eco-friendly paper and bamboo straws contain “forever chemicals,” compounds that don’t break down and can accumulate in our bodies, leading to health problems. What do you think?
New U.S. Army Recruitment Ad Touts Military As Great Alternative To Starving On Streets
WASHINGTON—In an effort to reach Americans affected by growing income inequality and the soaring cost of food, the U.S. Army launched a new ad campaign this week that touts the military as a great alternative to starving on the streets. “Food, sustenance, grub, chow—whatever you call it, we have it, and you need it…
Parents Explain Why Gender-Affirming Care For Kids Is Just A Fad
After a number of high profile individuals claimed that transgender youth are too immature to make such a decision about their identity, The Onion asked parents to explain why gender-affirming care for kids is just a fad, and this is what they said.
Length Of Man’s Facial Hair Directly Proportional To How Much Friends, Family Should Be Worried
Urge To Kill Children Lingers On Much Too Long To Be Postpartum Depression
TACOMA, WA—Saying the disturbing emotions continued to plague her well after the point at which they should have subsided, local mother Leah Andronico told reporters Tuesday that the urge to kill her children had lingered on far too long to be a symptom of postpartum depression. “At first I thought my desire to choke…
HR Reminds Staff Doctor’s Note Required To Use Bathroom
NEW YORK—Explaining that any absence must be arranged ahead of time by following proper company protocol as listed in the employee handbook, Ada Simmons, HR manager at Hadley Systematics, sent an email Monday reminding staff that a doctor’s note was required to use the bathroom. “We gently remind all staff that in the…
Knife-Wielding Doctors Roam Country Searching For Teens To Force To Be Trans
WASHINGTON—Warning citizens of a rising threat to the nation’s youth, U.S. officials cautioned Tuesday that knife-wielding doctors were roaming the country in search of adolescent children they could force to be trans. “Across America, parents are watching helplessly as trained surgeons compel their sons to become…