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Most Idiotic Things Anti-Vaxxers Actually Think Will Cure Covid

Mon, 2021-11-22 13:13

You need to ingest over 100 pounds of the stuff in a 24-hour period to even have a shot at curing Covid, making this a functionally impossible cure.

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Boss Wouldn’t Be Such A Jerk If He Knew About Negative Depiction In Employee’s Unpublished Novel

Mon, 2021-11-22 13:00

BALTIMORE, MD—Assured that her superior would rue the day he treated his employees so rudely, local woman Amanda Lassen confirmed Monday that her boss, Doug Southerton, wouldn’t act like such a jerk if he only knew how he was depicted in her unpublished novel. “He [Southerton] thinks it’s fun to throw his weight…

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QVC Launches New Primetime Prestige Infomercial Starring Bryan Cranston, Edie Falco

Mon, 2021-11-22 12:45

WEST CHESTER, PA—In an effort to reach more sophisticated viewers, home-shopping channel QVC announced Monday the launch of a new primetime prestige infomercial that stars Bryan Cranston and Edie Falco in what the network described as a densely plotted, emotionally complex work of paid programming. “Our goal here is…

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Gotta Retch Em All

Mon, 2021-11-22 12:15
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Maryland Mayor Charged With 50 Counts Of Distributing Revenge Porn

Mon, 2021-11-22 08:58

Mayor of Cambridge, MD Andrew Bradshaw, was arrested and charged with 50 counts of distributing revenge porn of his ex-girlfriend on Subreddit forums, for which he faces two years in prison and a $5,000 fine if convicted. What do you think?

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House Censures Paul Gosar For Violent Video

Fri, 2021-11-19 16:54

The House has censured Republican Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona and removed him from committee assignments for posting an animated video depicting him killing Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez with a sword. What do you think?

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We Break Down Every Moment of The ‘Elden Ring’ Preview To Avoid A Conversation With Our Dad About End-Of-Life Care

Fri, 2021-11-19 15:45

Death hangs in the air of FromSoftware’s worlds. Decay haunts its castle corridors. Monsters and fiendish booby traps subject your hero to constant grisly setbacks. Yet something always draws series stalwarts back into the fray for one last boss fight or dungeon crawl. That’s how we felt jumping into Elden Ring’s…

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Economists Trace Great Resignation To Comedy Central Airing ‘Office Space’ Constantly During Workers’ Formative Years

Fri, 2021-11-19 14:10

MINNEAPOLIS—With record numbers of Americans quitting their jobs, a team of economists published data Friday that traces the trend known as the Great Resignation to Comedy Central’s continuous airing of Office Space during the formative years of the nation’s workforce. “An analysis of the classic comedy’s frequent…

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Worst Arguments People Make Against Switching To Renewable Energy

Fri, 2021-11-19 12:55

Despite a concerted push by climate activists to phase out fossil fuels, many Americans—especially elected officials—remain hesitant. Here are the worst arguments people make against switching to renewable energy.

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Adele: A Career Timeline

Fri, 2021-11-19 12:20

Singer-songwriter Adele will release her fourth album, 30, on November 19, marking another milestone in a career that has generated its share of appreciation as well as controversy. The Onion looks back at the most significant events in Adele’s career thus far.

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‘QAnon Shaman’ Sentenced To 41 Months In Prison

Fri, 2021-11-19 11:57

The U..S Capitol rioter nicknamed the “QAnon shaman” for his horned headdress has been sentenced to 41 months in prison for his role in the deadly Jan. 6 attack by former President Donald Trump’s followers. What do you think?

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Lakers’ Staples Center To Become Crypto.Com Arena In $700 Million Deal

Thu, 2021-11-18 15:28

A Singapore-based cryptocurrency platform called Crypto.com has bought the naming rights to the home arena of the Los Angeles Lakers in a $700 million deal, with the change taking effect on Christmas Day this year. What do you think?

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Most Insidious Ways Politicians Have Curtailed U.S. Voting Rights

Thu, 2021-11-18 15:20

Nothing makes your vote more useless than allowing some uniformed dimwit who sheepishly does whatever he is told to vote for the opposite party from you.

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House Removes Paul Gosar From Anime And Manga Committee

Thu, 2021-11-18 14:35

WASHINGTON—Stripping the Republican representative from one of the most powerful and influential committees in Congress, the U.S. House of Representatives voted this week to remove Paul Gosar from his assignment on the Anime and Manga Committee. “While there’s nothing cooler than an epic sword fight, calls for…

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Texas Bans Access To Tall Staircases In Case Women With Unwanted Pregnancies Get Any Ideas

Thu, 2021-11-18 14:00

AUSTIN, TX—Calling the move “an important step in protecting the unborn,” Texas lawmakers passed legislation Thursday banning residents’ access to tall staircases in an effort to prevent women with unwanted pregnancies from getting any ideas. “We are proud to affirm the sanctity of life with this bill prohibiting…

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