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Updated: 10 hours 41 min ago

Ruby Tuesday Goes Public With Request That Everyone Come On Down To Ruby Tuesday

Tue, 2019-06-11 12:33

MARYVILLE, TN—In an emergency press conference held to share the blockbuster announcement before it could be leaked to the media, casual dining chain Ruby Tuesday went public this morning with a formal request for everyone to come on down to Ruby Tuesday. “We are hereby distributing the plain and simple message to all…

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Obamas Sign Podcast Deal With Spotify

Tue, 2019-06-11 11:57

Barack and Michelle Obama have signed a podcast deal to produce content for streaming giant Spotify, touting it as a chance to “foster productive dialogue, make people smile, and make people think.” What do you think?

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FromSoftware Announces Partnership With Eric Carle For Game Set In World Of Very Hungry Caterpillars

Tue, 2019-06-11 11:46

One of the more exciting announcements from Microsoft’s E3 press conference was that developer FromSoftware has partnered with famed author Eric Carle for an epic new game titled The Hunger, which will take place in an expansive world of very hungry caterpillars.

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Crass Transit

Tue, 2019-06-11 11:35
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DNC Criticized For Overly Restrictive Debate Rules Requiring Candidates Have At Least One Policy Position

Tue, 2019-06-11 11:28

WASHINGTON—Saying the oppressive rule would keep too many presidential hopefuls off the stage in Miami later this month, voters across the country criticized the Democratic National Committee Tuesday for requiring candidates to articulate at least one policy position before they can participate in debates. “It’s so…

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E3 2019 Kicks Off

Mon, 2019-06-10 18:16

Video game fans and developers flocked to the industry’s largest convention this week for four days of tantalizing trailers, gameplay demonstrations, and previews of the next generation of consoles. What do you think?

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Jimmy Carter Already Back To Elite Sumo Wrestling Circuit After Recovering From Hip Surgery

Mon, 2019-06-10 15:45

TOKYO—Triumphantly pounding his chest as he slammed his feet down in the ring for the first time in weeks, former U.S. president Jimmy Carter was reportedly back on the elite sumo wrestling circuit Monday, despite have undergone hip surgery less than a month ago. “It was tough for Jimmy to be away from the sport this…

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Study Finds White Meat Just As Bad As Red Meat

Mon, 2019-06-10 14:36

Contradicting the long-held belief on the relative healthiness of meats like poultry, a new study found that white meat raises an individual’s cholesterol just as rapidly as red meat. What do you think?

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NBA Commentators Confirm Steve Kerr Not Enough Of An Insufferable Prick To Be Considered All-Time Great Coach

Mon, 2019-06-10 14:07

OAKLAND, CA—Calling it the ultimate measure of a professional basketball coach’s worth, NBA commentators confirmed Monday that Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr was ultimately not enough of an insufferable prick to be really considered an all-time great coach. “Sure, Kerr’s had a few great seasons, but…

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Everything We Know About Xbox’s Project Scarlett

Mon, 2019-06-10 13:17

Microsoft unveiled its new Xbox console, Project Scarlett, at E3 this weekend, releasing many details about the next-gen gaming system. OGN provides insight into everything we know about Xbox’s Project Scarlett.

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E3 Attendees Flee In Terror After Bethesda Presentation Glitch Causes Deathclaw To Spawn On Convention Floor

Mon, 2019-06-10 12:21

Wow, OGN readers, we’ve seen some rough E3 shows in the past, but it looks like Bethesda has taken the cake with a major technical breakdown during their Sunday evening presentation. Attendees actually ended up fleeing the L.A. Convention Center in droves after a glitch in the company’s presentation resulted in a…

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NASA Discovers Impact Crater Of Meteorite That First Brought Horses To Earth

Mon, 2019-06-10 12:15

WASHINGTON—Claiming that the find will aid humanity in unraveling the origins of both our solar system and the mysterious equine species, NASA scientists working a dig site in Arizona have discovered the impact crater of the meteorite Friday that first brought horses to the earth. “According to carbon dating of…

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Couple Wouldn’t Have Stayed In Loveless Marriage If They Knew That’s How Kid Would Turn Out

Mon, 2019-06-10 11:34

PARIS, TX—Finally confronting their regret concerning their near-divorce decades earlier, married couple Leila and Tom Gerhart admitted Monday that they would not have continued their loveless marriage if they had known their son Harris, 21, would turn out the way he did. “We only stayed together for his sake, and…

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Pop Culture Site Powering Through 4 Weeks Of Sponsored Posts For Movie Its Film Critic Called ‘Contemptible Trash’

Mon, 2019-06-10 11:29

AUSTIN—Gritting their teeth while grinding out yet another piece of sales-department-mandated branded content exploring the film’s mythology, the writing staff of pop culture website Screen-On Time struggled to retain their composure, if not their professional dignity, while powering through four weeks of sponsored…

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Man Can’t Help But Think He Played Small Part In Female Coworker’s Success By Not Actively Sabotaging Her Career

Mon, 2019-06-10 11:19

SAN FRANCISCO—Beaming with pride as he recalled the support he gave coworker Laura Wolff when he refrained from taking full credit for a joint project, advertising copywriter Ken Appleby said Monday he sincerely believes his non-undermining behavior contributed significantly to the female colleague’s success. “New…

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Bethesda E3 Presentation Reveals They Worked Really Hard On ‘Fallout 76’ So Maybe Everyone Should Stop Being Mean And Give It Another Shot

Sun, 2019-06-09 19:00

Expectations were sky-high heading into Bethesda’s E3 presentation on Sunday. What new information would we get about Doom Eternal? Maybe they would even tease some information about Starfield? But fans in attendance were stunned after Bethesda producer Todd Howard spent the full hour talking about how they worked…

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