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ACLU Defends Blogger Accused Of Defaming Taylor Swift

Tue, 2017-11-07 16:54

The ACLU has stepped in to defend the writer of a blog post implying Taylor Swift might harbor neo-Nazi sympathies, after Swift’s lawyers sent the blogger a cease and desist letter. What do you think?

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While I May Disagree With His Choice Of Words, I Fully Support The President In Whatever It Is You’re Talking About That He Just Did

Tue, 2017-11-07 13:56

We all know the president has a personal style that can, on occasion, be less than delicate, even a bit abrasive. Remember, though, Donald Trump is new to governing. He may not be a polished politician, but I can assure you his heart is in the right place. And while I may disagree with his phrasing or approach in this…

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Weak-Willed Coward Changes Opinion After Learning He Was Wrong

Tue, 2017-11-07 13:41

DULUTH, MN—In a shocking display of utter spinelessness, 33-year-old coward Benjamin Dyer gave in and changed his opinion just like that Monday after learning he was wrong. “You know, I think I’ve come around to your way of seeing things,” the weakling said, reportedly reassessing his viewpoint to accommodate new…

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New Pub To Cater To Needs Of Irish

Tue, 2017-11-07 13:35
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Squirrel Who Really Chunked Out Unable To Look Neighborhood Residents In Eye

Tue, 2017-11-07 13:22

GOLDSBORO, NC—Embarrassed by how much weight it had put on, a local squirrel who really chunked out was unable to look neighborhood residents in the eye, sources said Monday. “Ugh, I’m just going to avoid looking at anyone and try to reposition my tail so it covers up my gut,” said the eastern grey squirrel, adding…

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‘Stranger Things 2’ Creators Say Keen Viewers Will Notice Twinge Of Disappointment Hidden In Every Scene

Tue, 2017-11-07 13:09

LOS ANGELES—Saying that eagle-eyed fans on social media had already pointed out several of them, the creators of Stranger Things 2 revealed Tuesday that keen viewers will notice twinges of disappointment hidden in every scene. “Not to give too much away, but be on the lookout for the tiny letdowns we snuck in almost…

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Ozone Hole Smallest Since 1988

Tue, 2017-11-07 11:33

The hole in Earth’s radiation-absorbing ozone layer has shrunk to its smallest size since 1988, which scientists credited to laws restricting ozone-depleting pollutants. What do you think?

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Rogue Twitter Employee Briefly Deletes Trump’s Account

Mon, 2017-11-06 17:39

President Trump’s Twitter account was briefly shut down Thursday evening, which the site blamed on a rogue customer service employee in their last day on the job. What do you think?

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Paul Ryan Quickly Runs Tweet About Texas Shooting Past Wayne LaPierre Before Posting

Mon, 2017-11-06 15:50

WASHINGTON—In an effort to avoid a potentially disrespectful or insensitive response, House Speaker Paul Ryan reportedly quickly ran a tweet about the Texas mass shooting past Wayne LaPierre before posting the message, sources confirmed Monday. “Wayne, I understand that this is a delicate situation so I wanted to…

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Nation To Wait For More Facts On Texas Shooting Before Doing Absolutely Nothing About It

Mon, 2017-11-06 15:00

WASHINGTON—In the wake of a shooting in Sutherland Springs, TX that left at least 26 people dead and 20 wounded, the nation declared its intent Monday to wait for more facts on the mass slaughter before doing absolutely nothing about it. “We don’t want to jump to conclusions and get the facts wrong before we start…

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Japanese Company Gives Non-Smokers Extra Vacation Days

Mon, 2017-11-06 11:24

A Japanese marketing firm is giving non-smoking employees six extra vacation days each year to compensate them for not taking cigarette breaks. What do you think?

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‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

Sun, 2017-11-05 18:38

SUTHERLAND SPRINGS, TX—In the hours following a violent rampage in Texas in which a lone attacker killed 27 individuals and seriously injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Sunday that there was no way to prevent the massacre…

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Gothamist, DNAinfo Owner Shutters Sites After Vote To Unionize

Fri, 2017-11-03 17:13

News sites Gothamist and DNAinfo were abruptly shut down by billionaire owner Joe Ricketts this week, shortly after their New York staffs voted to unionize. What do you think?

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Aides Gently Tell Trump He Can’t Bring All His Gold Lion Statues On Airplane

Fri, 2017-11-03 16:11

‘Let’s Pick Out A Couple, Buddy,’ Says Kelly

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Itinerary For Trump’s Trip To Asia

Fri, 2017-11-03 15:35

In what many are calling his most crucial international trip yet, Trump embarks today on an 11-day trip that will see him meeting with leaders in Korea, China, Vietnam, the Philippines, and Japan. Here is the schedule of events:

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Pet Researchers Confirm 100% Of Owners Who Leave For Work Never Coming Back

Fri, 2017-11-03 14:45

WASHINGTON—Announcing their findings amongst a series of whimpers and yelps, pet researchers confirmed Friday that 100 percent of owners who leave for work are never coming back. “Our data show conclusively that every human who says they’re going to work is, in fact, gone forever the very moment they shut the door…

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