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Trump Hosts Kanye West, White Nationalist Holocaust Denier At Mar-A-Lago
Donald Trump hosted White nationalist and Holocaust denier Nick Fuentes and rapper Kanye West, who has been under fire recently for antisemitic remarks, at his Mar-a-Lago estate, just one week after announcing his 2024 presidential bid. What do you think?
Mom Doing Full-Time, Unpaid PR For Some Disney+ Show About Whales
WAYNESVILLE, OH—Launching what appeared to be a fully coordinated social media campaign to alert family and friends to the program, sources told reporters Wednesday that local mother Teresa Sheradon was apparently doing full-time, unpaid PR now for some Disney+ show about whales. Sheradon, whom sources confirmed had…
Man Afraid To Get Tattoo In Case He Feels Differently About His Children In 10 Years
WATERLOO, IA—Stating that “you never know what could happen down the road,” local man James Kenney told reporters Wednesday that he was afraid to get a tattoo of his children’s names in case he felt different about them in 10 years. “It’s easy to get caught up in the moment in the delivery room, but what about next…
God Releases New Peppermint-Flavored Chipmunks For The Holidays
THE HEAVENS—Touting His latest majestic creation as the ideal recipe for wintertime fun, the Almighty God, He Who Reigneth Omnipotent in Heaven and Earth, released new peppermint-flavored chipmunks on Wednesday. “Just in time for the holidays, these festive yuletide chipmunks are the perfect treat for parents, kids,…
Most Awesome Perks That Employees Who Work For Elon Musk Get
Sometimes, it’s not so bad to work for the shitposter-in-chief. Here are the coolest things employees get who work for Elon Musk.
Hawaii’s Mauna Loa Erupts For First Time In 40 Years
Hawaii’s Mauna Loa, the world’s largest active volcano, has started to erupt for the first time since 1984, with volcanic ash and debris falling nearby but lava flows not currently threatening any downslope communities. What do you think?
Frontier Airlines Shuts Down Customer Service Phone Line
Frontier Airlines is doing away with its customer service phone line in its latest cost-cutting measure, the company saying that most customers prefer communicating with service agents via digital channels like its website’s live chat or social media. What do you think?
Poll Finds 82% Of Drunk Women Really Needed Night Like This
CHICAGO—In a nationwide survey of more than 5,000 girlfriends currently out on the town, a new poll published Tuesday by the University of Chicago’s Center for Public Affairs Research found that 82% of drunk women really needed a night like this. “Four-fifths of all female friends drinking to excess said that, until…
Couple Struggling To Get Pregnant Taking It As Sign That They Should Keep Trying Until Relationship Implodes
PORTSMOUTH, NH—Saying they had to be realistic about what their current situation entailed, married couple Brett and Hannah Steinwald told reporters Tuesday that they were taking their struggle to get pregnant as a sign that they should keep trying until their relationship eventually implodes. “Look, if we aren’t…
Nation’s Old Men Announce Plans To Wake Up At 5 A.M. And Argue With Other Old Men Around Table At McDonald’s
MARIETTA, OH—Pledging to arrive at the crack of dawn and stay until their families came and picked them up, the nation’s old men announced plans Tuesday to wake up at 5 a.m. and argue with other old men around a table at McDonald’s. “Today, we, the elderly men of the United States, promise to get up very early in the…
Cyber Monday Retailers Worried Americans Not Ready To Buy Goods Over World Wide Web
NEW YORK—Expressing skepticism about the unproven technology’s potential in the lead-up to the holiday season, Cyber Monday retailers reportedly worried this week that Americans were simply not ready to buy goods over the World Wide Web. “While there may be a few fringe dedicated Netizens interested in online…
U.S. Black Friday Sales Surpass $9 Billion In New Record
Online sales for Black Friday set a new record of $9.2 billion, up 2.3% year over year, with many shoppers using flexible payment plans as the nation continues to grapple with high prices and inflation. What do you think?
Trump Disappointed After Holocaust Denier Tells Him Holocaust Never Happened
PALM BEACH, FL—Appearing crestfallen during a dinner with the white supremacist at his Mar-a-Lago estate, former President Donald Trump is said to have expressed deep sadness last week when he was told by Holocaust denier Nick Fuentes that the Holocaust never happened. “Wait, so all those stories I heard as a child…