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New Evidence Suggests Ancient Egyptians Only Ever Visited Pyramids When Friends Were In From Out Of Town

Mon, 2018-01-08 12:32

LONDON—In a discovery that sheds new light on the civilization’s cultural practices, researchers at University College London presented evidence Monday that suggests ancient Egyptians never went to see the pyramids unless they had guests in from out of town. “Recently unearthed papyrus rolls dating from 2400 B.C.…

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Earth’s Successful Completion Of Orbit Around Sun Inspires Woman To Reflect On Eating Habits

Mon, 2018-01-01 09:45

GREENVILLE, NC—Noting that the celestial body’s return to this position in space demanded more personal accountability, sources confirmed Monday that the Earth’s successful completion of an orbit around the sun inspired local woman Vivian Turner to reflect on her eating habits. “Now that the planet I live on has…

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2018 The Year It All Going To Fall Into Place, Delusional Sources Report

Mon, 2018-01-01 02:01

WASHINGTON—Fooling themselves into believing things were going to be turning around, delusional sources reported Friday that 2018 will be the year it’s all going to fall into place. “No ifs, ands, or buts about it, everything is finally going to come together in 2018,” said Liam Thomas of Margate, FL, echoing the…

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Single Woman Getting All Dolled Up To Watch Room Full Of People Make Out This New Year’s Eve

Sun, 2017-12-31 10:00

BROOKLYN, NY—Wearing a brand-new dress while carefully applying her makeup for the evening, local single woman Kelly Duval was reportedly getting all dolled up Sunday to watch a room full of people make out this New Year’s Eve. According to sources, Duval was going to great lengths to create big, bouncy curls in her…

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