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Updated: 1 day 52 min ago

Secret Trump–Cohen Audio Tape Released

Thu, 2018-07-26 17:05

In a recently leaked audio recording, attorney Michael Cohen speaks to Donald Trump about a payment to buy the silence of former Playboy model Karen McDougal. What do you think?

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House Conservatives Introduce Resolution To Impale Rod Rosenstein

Thu, 2018-07-26 15:46

WASHINGTON—Claiming that the United States Deputy Attorney General had failed to uphold his oath of office, 11 Congressional conservatives reportedly introduced a resolution Thursday to impale Rod Rosenstein. “Mr. Rosenstein’s tenure has been marked by rampant partisanship, leaving us with no choice but to move…

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Royals Players Concerned About Fan Who Stuck Out 3-Hour Rain Delay

Thu, 2018-07-26 13:56

KANSAS CITY, MO—Sadly watching from the dugout as the lone spectator refused to abandon the game, the players of the Kansas City Royals confirmed this week that they were concerned about a fan who stuck out a three-hour rain delay. “I hope he’s okay, I mean, we appreciate the support, but it’s coming down in sheets…

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Man Feeling Pressure To Give Mom Grandchildren While She Still Around To Raise Them

Thu, 2018-07-26 13:33

ABINGTON, PA—Experiencing an urgent need to extend his bloodline, prospective father Mark Griffin said Thursday that he felt pressured to give his mother grandchildren while she was still around to care for them on his behalf. “Sad to say, Mom’s getting older, and if I wait any longer to have kids, she may not be…

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White House Press Corps Wishes Show Of Solidarity Over Banned Reporter Could Be For Better News Organization Than CNN

Thu, 2018-07-26 13:27

WASHINGTON—Even as they united behind journalist Kaitlan Collins after the Trump administration barred her from attending a press conference with the president, the White House press corps reportedly admitted Thursday that they wished their show of solidarity over a banned reporter could be for a better news…

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Dr. Scholl’s Introduces New Freeze-Away Toe Remover

Thu, 2018-07-26 13:16

CHICAGO—Foot-care brand Dr. Scholl’s unveiled its new Freeze-Away Toe Remover Thursday, an over-the-counter treatment that combines freeze therapy with fast-acting liquid to loosen and ultimately expel unsightly toes. “If you’re finding it painful to put on shoes or simply want to get rid of the gnarled growths at the…

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Trump Vindicated After Rest Of Leaked Recording Reveals Him Urging Racial Reconciliation, Calling For Interfaith Dialogue, Condemning Gender Inequality

Thu, 2018-07-26 11:17

WASHINGTON—Expressing relief that the leaked recording of his meeting with lawyer Michael Cohen revealed more than merely his practice of paying hush money to his mistresses, President Donald Trump told the reporters Thursday that he felt “vindicated” by the captured conversation, during which he clearly and…

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Steve Bannon Sets Sights On Spreading Far-Right Europe With New Foundation

Thu, 2018-07-26 11:05

Former White House chief advisor Steve Bannon plans to launch a foundation in Brussels called The Movement to spread far-right ideology to Europe. What do you think?

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