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Updated: 1 hour 39 min ago

Woman Charged $700 After Waiting In ER For Hours Without Receiving Treatment

Thu, 2021-11-04 08:00

A Georgia woman left a hospital emergency room without receiving treatment after waiting for seven hours, for which she was charged a $700 emergency room visit fee that the hospital claims is valid. What do you think?

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Billionaire Designs Windowless Mega-Dorm For California University

Wed, 2021-11-03 17:09

Billionaire Charlie Munger has given $200 million to the University of California at Santa Barbara on the condition they build a mostly windowless 11-story dorm he designed, despite criticism over the unknown psychological effects it could have on students. What do you think?

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Unlikely Friendship: This Baby Xbox Is Best Friends With An N64 ‘WWF War Zone’ Cartridge

Wed, 2021-11-03 16:45

Heartwarming story alert, gamers! This WWF War Zone cartridge had a nest that a baby Xbox Series X clambered into when it had broken one of its controller ports. The N64 cartridge then took in the Xbox as its own and nursed it back to health. They’ve been inseparable ever since!

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Democrats Spooked By Loss In Virginia Vow To Work Twice As Hard To Muddle Their Agenda

Wed, 2021-11-03 15:00

WASHINGTON—Unsettled by the party’s dismal performance in the Virginia governor’s race, Democratic leadership vowed Wednesday to work twice as hard in the coming months to muddle their agenda. “Last night was a wake-up call that we need to refocus our efforts on alienating the American voter with vague goals and…

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Biden Social Spending Bill Whittled Down To $10 Billion Check To Joe Manchin

Wed, 2021-11-03 13:00

WASHINGTON—At last striking a compromise that unites all 50 Democrats in the Senate, the White House announced Wednesday that it had enough votes to pass a streamlined version of President Joe Biden’s social spending bill that had been stripped of every provision except for a $10 billion check for Sen. Joe Manchin…

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Despondent Congressman Gerrymanders Self Into Own Isolated District

Wed, 2021-11-03 12:25

WASHINGTON—Sighing heavily as he sealed himself inside the meandering political boundary, despondent congressman Rep. Dan Bishop (R-NC) reportedly gerrymandered himself into his own isolated district Wednesday, sources confirmed. “I’m fine, I just need to govern myself for a while,” said the Republican lawmaker from…

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Signs You Are A Social Media Clout Chaser

Wed, 2021-11-03 12:20

Clearly you’re not that internet savvy if you’re still falling for clickbait and reading through this entire slideshow. Nonetheless, here are several signs you might be a social media clout chaser.

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The Most Tragic Film Set Accidents

Wed, 2021-11-03 11:20

The recent death of a cinematographer on the set of the film Rust has shown a spotlight on tragic deaths on film sets, as well as given rise to safety concerns surrounding props and stunts. The Onion looks back at other tragic film set tragedies.

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Braves Honor Native American Past With Deadly Forced Championship Parade To Oklahoma

Wed, 2021-11-03 11:00

ATLANTA—Following the team’s six-game World Series victory over the Houston Astros, the Atlanta Braves announced Wednesday that they would honor the franchise’s Native American past with a deadly forced championship parade to Oklahoma. “What better way to celebrate our team’s heritage than heading out onto the streets…

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Study: ‘Broken Heart’ Syndrome On The Rise In Older Women

Wed, 2021-11-03 08:00

A new study has found that takotsubo cardiomyopathy, commonly called “Broken Heart Syndrome”, which mirrors a heart attack after a stressful event like a break-up, is on the rise among women ages 50 to 74, who account for 80% of all cases. What do you think?

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Study Shows Tapping Cheek With Pointer Finger Still Number One Way To Get A Little Kiss

Wed, 2021-11-03 08:00

HOUSTON—According to a new study published Wednesday in the journal Evolution And Human Behavior, the act of tapping one’s cheek with the pointer finger remains the number one way to get a little kiss. “Our team found that turning the head, exposing a cheek, and repeatedly giving a small tap allowed subjects to…

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Kyle Rittenhouse Claims Self-Defense After Shooting 3 Jurors

Wed, 2021-11-03 08:00

KENOSHA, WI—Arguing that he had no choice but to take the law into his own hands, Kyle Rittenhouse reportedly claimed self-defense Wednesday after shooting three jurors in his trial for multiple counts of first-degree homicide. “Finding himself outnumbered by a mob of 20 jurors, Mr. Rittenhouse was forced to make the…

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Astros Start Nolan Ryan In Game 6 On 10,268 Days’ Rest

Tue, 2021-11-02 20:00

HOUSTON—With their fading World Series series hopes hinging on a strong pitching performance against the Atlanta Braves, the Houston Astros announced Tuesday that they would be starting Nolan Ryan in Game 6 on 10,268 days’ rest. “We’re trying to be really careful not to overwork our pitchers to keep them fresh with…

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Senator Claims ​​Men Watching Porn, Playing Video Games Because Their Masculinity Criticized

Tue, 2021-11-02 16:15

Missouri Sen. Josh Hawley (R) claimed in a recent speech that the effort to combat toxic masculinity in the U.S. has unfairly forced men to withdraw from society, consuming more pornography and playing more video games. What do you think?

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Passengers Reminded To Wait Until Seat Belt Sign Turned Off To Roundhouse Kick Flight Attendants

Tue, 2021-11-02 14:55

TULSA, OK—Thanked in advance for their patience and consideration, passengers on an American Airlines plane to Omaha were courteously reminded to wait until the fasten seat belt sign was turned off before roundhouse kicking flight attendants, sources confirmed Tuesday. “We kindly request that you refrain from smashing…

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Artist Profile: Machine Gun Kelly

Tue, 2021-11-02 14:13
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Get Excited, ‘L.A. Noire’ Fans! This Guy Is Lying About Not Murdering Your Cousin!

Tue, 2021-11-02 13:50

Every once in a while, the universe dangles a little treat for gamers that we can’t help but share with our devoted readers. Sometimes it’s a can’t-miss gaming deal, sometimes it’s the reunion of an iconic developer with a beloved video game property. But today, we’ve got something that trumps them all! Get…

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