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Desperate Judge Makes Lethal-Injection Drugs In Courthouse Toilet

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-27 10:27

NASHVILLE, TN—Determined not to let a lack of available substances prevent him from executing an inmate on death row, desperate Tennessee judge Gary Hargreave was reportedly making lethal-injection drugs in a courthouse toilet Friday. “It’s not ideal, but we’re going to execute that guy one way or another,” said…

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Categories: The Onion

Learning from the Covid Disruption: How Unions Can Emerge from the Pandemic More Effective

Steward's Corner - Fri, 2022-05-27 08:56

The Covid-19 pandemic has not only upended our lives and workplaces but also shaken up our unions, placing many new demands on activists and leaders. Representation, organizing, advocacy, education—just about every union activity or function has been disrupted or transformed.

A period of massive disruption, however, is also an opportunity for change. Seeing how quickly some of your long-established practices stopped, and new practices started, demonstrates that change is possible.

Categories: Labor Notes

Learning from the Covid Disruption: How Unions Can Emerge from the Pandemic More Effective

Magazine Stories - Fri, 2022-05-27 08:56

The Covid-19 pandemic has not only upended our lives and workplaces but also shaken up our unions, placing many new demands on activists and leaders. Representation, organizing, advocacy, education—just about every union activity or function has been disrupted or transformed.

A period of massive disruption, however, is also an opportunity for change. Seeing how quickly some of your long-established practices stopped, and new practices started, demonstrates that change is possible.

Categories: Labor Notes

The Pros And Cons Of Letting Children Die

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-27 08:00

America is currently wrestling with the difficult and controversial question of whether it’s worth it to make an effort to keep children alive, not to mention safe, educated, or healthy. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of just letting children die.

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Wayne LaPierre States Mass Shootings Can Be Perfectly Safe When Carried Out By A Trained, Responsible Gun Owner

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-27 08:00

HOUSTON—Addressing the massacre that occurred at an elementary school in the state only three days earlier, National Rifle Association CEO Wayne LaPierre told attendees at the organization’s annual meeting Friday that mass shootings could be perfectly safe when carried out by a trained, responsible gun owner. “By…

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Categories: The Onion

NRA Convention Applauds As Gunman Massacres Entire Crowd

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-27 08:00

HOUSTON—Shouting with glee and jostling each other to get a better spot, the audience at the National Rifle Association’s annual meeting reportedly burst into applause Friday as a gunman massacred the entire crowd. “Woo! Shoot us all!” multiple spectators were heard to yell as the armed assailant, believed to be…

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Categories: The Onion

Woman Suspects Hidden Camera In Public Restroom After Noticing Boom Mic Operator In Corner

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-27 08:00

PROVO, UT—Sensing something “wasn’t quite right” about the public restroom, local woman Selena Kimball was reportedly suspicious there was a hidden camera present Thursday after noticing a boom mic operator in the corner. “I’m not a paranoid person, but every hair on my body stood up as soon as I heard someone yell…

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Categories: The Onion

Tennessee To Make Public Camping For Homeless A Felony

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-27 08:00

A Tennessee law going into effect July 1 will make camping on local public property a felony, threatening the homeless people who camp in parks with a punishment of up to six years in prison and the loss of voting rights. What do you think?

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Categories: The Onion

Entire U.S. Police Force Flees Country After Hearing Gunman Inside Nation

The Onion - Thu, 2022-05-26 14:50

UNITED STATES—Throwing their arms up into the air and screaming while frantically sprinting toward every single American border, the entire U.S. police force reportedly fled the country Thursday after hearing that there was a gunman somewhere inside the nation. “Oh my God, run, run for your lives, someone in the…

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Categories: The Onion

Tearful Uvalde Residents Thank Police For Protecting Parking Lot From Gunman

The Onion - Thu, 2022-05-26 14:30

UVALDE, TX—In an expression of gratitude for keeping the community’s beloved stretch of asphalt safe, tearful Uvalde residents thanked law enforcement Thursday for protecting Robb Elementary School’s parking lot from a gunman. “To the brave officers who heroically stood outside the school to defend this pavement…

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Categories: The Onion

Hyundai Recalls 239,000 Cars For Exploding Seat Belt Parts

The Onion - Thu, 2022-05-26 14:19

Hyundai is recalling 239,000 cars in the U.S., saying the seat belt pretensioners can explode upon deployment and send shrapnel throughout the vehicle, injuring vehicle occupants. What do you think?

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Categories: The Onion

Things People Hate The Most About Public Transportation

The Onion - Thu, 2022-05-26 13:05

It’s disgusting to imagine, but Americans take around 10 billion trips on public transit each year. Here are the things that people hate most about public transportation.

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Categories: The Onion

Must-Read Reflections On The Reproductive Rights Battle

The Onion - Thu, 2022-05-26 10:36

With more states passing laws that limit or outlaw abortion, a leaked Supreme Court document proposing to overturn Roe v. Wade has prompted a firestorm of debate and controversy. The Onion sifts through the many reflections published by lesser news organizations to find the smartest and most worthwhile takes on the…

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Categories: The Onion

Bad Time For Greg Abbott To Reveal New Machine Gun Legs

The Onion - Thu, 2022-05-26 10:32

AUSTIN, TX—Acknowledging the realities of public opinion following another mass shooting in his state, Texas governor Greg Abbott admitted Thursday that it was probably not a good time to reveal his new machine gun legs, according to sources in his office. “Goddamn it, of all the weeks for this to happen,” said…

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Categories: The Onion

Sacrificial Altar Comfier Than Expected

The Onion - Thu, 2022-05-26 10:32

GOLDENDALE, WA—Taking a deep breath, exhaling, and releasing all the tension of a stressful day from his body, chosen offering to the gods Dale Balko told reporters Tuesday that the sacrificial altar upon which he lay was comfier than expected. “The altar actually feels great on my back, and with those torches they…

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Categories: The Onion
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