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Biden Approves Controversial Oil Drilling Project In Alaska

The Onion - Wed, 2023-03-15 17:07

The Biden administration approved a massive $8 billion drilling project in Alaska for oil company ConocoPhillips, drawing objections from environmental groups who say it will speed up the climate breakdown and undermine food security. What do you think?

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Categories: The Onion

Dad Bookmarks Rik Smits’ Wikipedia Page

The Onion - Wed, 2023-03-15 12:25

GOSHEN, IN—After a cursory scanning of the 1,300-word online document about the retired basketball player led the man to decide he needed to have it at his fingertips in the future, local dad Mark Whitner bookmarked Rik Smits’ Wikipedia page, sources confirmed Wednesday. “It took me a while to find this page, so I…

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Categories: The Onion

Twin Absorbs Sibling At 62

The Onion - Wed, 2023-03-15 12:00

GARY, IN—Confirming the results after extensive medical imaging, a team of doctors at Indiana University Northwest reported Wednesday a case of one twin absorbing another at the age of 62. “It’s more common than you think,” said Dr. Joseph Beaumont, stipulating that clinicians typically saw this type of autositic…

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Categories: The Onion

Tech Moguls React To The Silicon Valley Bank Collapse

The Onion - Wed, 2023-03-15 08:58

The collapse of Silicon Valley Bank is the largest failure of a financial institution since Washington Mutual went under in 2008. The Onion asked tech moguls how they felt about the bank’s failure, and this is what they said.

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Fast-Talking Biden Upsells Australian Prime Minister 2 Extra Nuclear Subs But He Has To Sign Today

The Onion - Wed, 2023-03-15 08:53

SAN DIEGO—Saying this was the sort of sweetheart deal that he wouldn’t give his own mother, a fast-talking Joe Biden reportedly upsold Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese on two extra nuclear submarines this week, but emphasized that he had to sign today. “Look, Tony—cool if I call you Tony, right?—you seem…

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Categories: The Onion

Tucker Carlson’s Biggest Lies

The Onion - Wed, 2023-03-15 08:51

While the Fox News host is not necessarily known for being honest, text messages released in the Dominion Voting Systems lawsuit show that Tucker Carlson frequently lies to viewers. The Onion examines Tucker Carlson’s biggest lies.

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Categories: The Onion

Starbucks CEO Clearly Just Coming To Company Headquarters To Use Bathroom

The Onion - Wed, 2023-03-15 06:15

SEATTLE—Calling his motivations “beyond transparent,” sources at Starbucks headquarters confirmed Wednesday that CEO Howard Schultz was clearly only coming into the building to use the bathroom. “He clogged the toilet, stuffed some sugar packets into his pockets, and left,” said 27-year-old Starbucks project manager…

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Categories: The Onion

Buffalo Wild Wings Sued Over Claim That ‘Boneless Wings’ Aren’t Wings

The Onion - Wed, 2023-03-15 06:00

A Chicago man filed a class action lawsuit against Buffalo Wild Wings, saying the restaurant chain is charging too much for its boneless wings, which are basically nuggets and not made from the actual wing of a chicken. What do you think?

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Categories: The Onion

How We’re Fighting for a Union at Amazon’s Biggest Air Hub

Steward's Corner - Tue, 2023-03-14 19:14

I work as a tug driver at Amazon’s global air hub in Northern Kentucky (KCVG). My co-workers and I are taking on one of the largest corporations in the world to get what we deserve.

Our main demands are for a $30-an-hour starting wage, 180 hours a year of paid time off, and union representation at disciplinary meetings to end favoritism and retaliation.

This $1.5 billion facility is a flagship for Amazon—it’s the company’s biggest air hub. Jeff Bezos personally broke ground on it in 2019.

Categories: Labor Notes

How We’re Fighting for a Union at Amazon’s Biggest Air Hub

Magazine Stories - Tue, 2023-03-14 19:14

I work as a tug driver at Amazon’s global air hub in Northern Kentucky (KCVG). My co-workers and I are taking on one of the largest corporations in the world to get what we deserve.

Our main demands are for a $30-an-hour starting wage, 180 hours a year of paid time off, and union representation at disciplinary meetings to end favoritism and retaliation.

This $1.5 billion facility is a flagship for Amazon—it’s the company’s biggest air hub. Jeff Bezos personally broke ground on it in 2019.

Categories: Labor Notes

Ron DeSantis Bans Births In Florida Due To Exposure Of Impressionable Infants To Vagina

The Onion - Tue, 2023-03-14 14:30

TALLAHASSEE, FL—In an ongoing effort to protect children from sexually explicit scenes, Gov. Ron DeSantis banned births in the state of Florida on Tuesday, citing the need to protect impressionable infants from exposure to vaginas. “No longer will we allow our innocent babies, in the first moments of their lives, to…

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Categories: The Onion

Call: Paycheck Fairness Act

AFL-CIO Weblog - Tue, 2023-03-14 14:14
Call: Paycheck Fairness Act

 

The Paycheck Fairness Act increases penalties when employers violate equal pay provisions. It also makes it unlawful to prohibit employees from discussing their wages. Take two minutes to ask your senators and representative to support the Paycheck Fairness Act.

Make a Call.

Today is Equal Pay Day because women have to work until March 14, 2023, to earn what a man made in 2022.

The gender wage gap leads to a loss of some $400,000 over the course of a working woman’s career. For women of color, that loss is even steeper. Read that again: $400,000.

The Paycheck Fairness Act would help close the wage gap in a few different ways by:

  • Making it unlawful to prohibit employees from talking about their wages.
  • Increasing penalties for violating the equal pay provision.
  • Directing the Department of Labor to provide trainings for negotiating compensation and working conditions.

It’s time. Women should get equal pay for equal work.

If you agree, take two minutes to call your senators and representative. Tell them to vote YES on the Paycheck Fairness Act.

Audrey Edmonds Tue, 03/14/2023 - 14:14

Tags: Equal Pay

Mark Zuckerberg Worried Facebook Listening To Him After Being Pushed Shirt That Says ‘I Just Laid Off 10,000 Employees’

The Onion - Tue, 2023-03-14 14:00

PALO ALTO, CA—Noting the eerie feeling of being surveilled, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg reportedly expressed concern Tuesday that Facebook was listening to him after he received a targeted ad for a shirt that read “I Just Laid Off 10,000 Employees.” “How could it even know I just said that? It’s got to be using my…

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Categories: The Onion

Police Arrest Woman Reporting Domestic Abuse For Being Tattletale

The Onion - Tue, 2023-03-14 08:43

MIDDLEBOROUGH, MA—Responding to an emergency call Tuesday from a victim of domestic violence, local police placed Cindy Tarnes, 37, under arrest for tattling on her abuser. “An officer arrived at the scene of what appeared to be an aggravated assault, where he informed Ms. Tarnes that she was being taken into custody…

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Categories: The Onion

Browns Impressed With Jalen Carter’s Reckless Disregard For Life

The Onion - Tue, 2023-03-14 08:41

CLEVELAND—Saying they were considering trading up on draft day in order to select the Georgia Bulldogs defensive tackle, Cleveland Browns officials told reporters Tuesday they were impressed with Jalen Carter’s reckless disregard for life. “Jalen has shown that even at a young age, he doesn’t have respect for the…

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Categories: The Onion

New Hyundai Elantra Wins J.D. Power And Associates Award For Sluttiest Car

The Onion - Tue, 2023-03-14 08:41

TROY, MI—After naming the make and model the most promiscuous in its class, consumer analytics firm J.D. Power and Associates announced Tuesday that it had chosen the Hyundai Elantra as the sluttiest car of 2023. “Based on our own research and reports from independent automobile owners, we found that the Elantra puts…

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Categories: The Onion
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