Feed aggregator

Man Checks Mirror Before Date To Confirm Consciousness Still Inhabiting Corporeal Form

The Onion - Tue, 2023-03-14 08:40

ATHENS, GA—Nervously inspecting himself to ensure he was indeed made manifest in the flesh, local man Rod Sutherland, 27, checked the mirror before heading out on a date Tuesday to confirm his consciousness was still inhabiting a corporeal form. “Just so I don’t make a bad first impression, I really ought to…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Atlanta Police Explain Why They Need ‘Cop City’

The Onion - Tue, 2023-03-14 06:15

The city of Atlanta is facing backlash after announcing plans to bulldoze 85-acres of forest to build a $90 million replica of the city for police to train. The Onion asked several Atlanta police officers why they support ‘Cop City,’ and this is what they said.

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

USA: Inside the union-busting birth of the Academy Awards

LabourStart US - Mon, 2023-03-13 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: Vanity Fair

USA: Teamsters Strike at INEOS Factory

LabourStart US - Mon, 2023-03-13 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: Teamsters

USA: Temple Strike Ends After Grad Students Accept Deal

LabourStart US - Mon, 2023-03-13 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: Inside Higer Ed

USA: Rutgers faculty authorizes a strike as negotiations continue

LabourStart US - Mon, 2023-03-13 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: WHYY

USA: Court upholds treating app-based drivers as contractors

LabourStart US - Mon, 2023-03-13 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: Yahoo

Silicon Valley Bank Collapses In Biggest Bank Failure Since 2008 Financial Crisis

The Onion - Mon, 2023-03-13 17:01

Silicon Valley Bank collapsed after a stunning 48 hours in which a bank run and a capital crisis led to the second-largest failure of a financial institution in U.S. history. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

U.S. Military Discovers Bootleg F-22 Fighter Jets For Sale From Hundreds Of AliExpress Vendors

The Onion - Mon, 2023-03-13 15:13

ARLINGTON, VA—As part of an ongoing effort to crack down on unlicensed, counterfeit imitations of its tactical aircraft, the Pentagon announced Monday that it had discovered bootleg F-22 fighter jets for sale from hundreds of AliExpress vendors. “We are aware of cheap F-22 Raptor knockoffs being sold through this…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Hollywood Fact: Did You Know?

The Onion - Mon, 2023-03-13 15:07
Categories: The Onion

Bill Gates Calls Epstein’s Number Just To Hear His Voicemail Again

The Onion - Mon, 2023-03-13 08:37

MEDINA, WA—With tears welling in his eyes as he sought out his most treasured reminder of his late friend, business magnate Bill Gates reportedly called Jeffrey Epstein’s number Monday just to hear his voicemail greeting again. “Of course I know he’s gone and he’s not going to pick up, but to hear him say, ‘Hey, it’s…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Fetus Panics After Ballooning Up To 500 Times Her Original Weight

The Onion - Mon, 2023-03-13 08:36

NEW YORK—Saying the rapid gains had caused her to reflect on her dietary habits, local fetus Sarah Lehman reportedly panicked Monday after ballooning up to 500 times her original weight. “I’ve gotta slow down with the placenta, man—some of these nutrients, I don’t even chew them,” said the concerned fetus, noting…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Report: Being Held Closely By Person Who Loves You Probably Not Even That Great

The Onion - Mon, 2023-03-13 08:35

CHICAGO—Suggesting that there was no specific reason for pursuing such a goal, a report released Monday confirmed that being held closely by the person who loves you probably isn’t even that great. “In all likelihood, there is nothing particularly novel or enviable about feeling the arm of a lover wrapping…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

2 Men Arrested After Killing Bald Eagle They Planned On Eating

The Onion - Mon, 2023-03-13 06:30

Two men face federal criminal charges after authorities said they entered private property in Nebraska and shot a North American bald eagle with the intent to eat it. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Ingenious Forms Of Birth Control Used In Ancient Times

The Onion - Mon, 2023-03-13 06:15

Throughout recorded history, humans have been clever and resourceful as they sought out ways to avoid getting saddled down with an unwanted kid. The Onion looks back on the most ingenious forms of birth control used in ancient times.

Read more...

Categories: The Onion
Syndicate content