Feed aggregator

House Removes Paul Gosar From Anime And Manga Committee

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 14:35

WASHINGTON—Stripping the Republican representative from one of the most powerful and influential committees in Congress, the U.S. House of Representatives voted this week to remove Paul Gosar from his assignment on the Anime and Manga Committee. “While there’s nothing cooler than an epic sword fight, calls for…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Texas Bans Access To Tall Staircases In Case Women With Unwanted Pregnancies Get Any Ideas

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 14:00

AUSTIN, TX—Calling the move “an important step in protecting the unborn,” Texas lawmakers passed legislation Thursday banning residents’ access to tall staircases in an effort to prevent women with unwanted pregnancies from getting any ideas. “We are proud to affirm the sanctity of life with this bill prohibiting…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Build The Perfect Home Office

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 13:55

Deciding which products will fulfill your basic needs or that gaping hole in your heart can be stressful. The Onion’s Test Sweatshop is here to help. Every product we recommend has been tested for over 50,000 hours by our army of indentured product testers. The Onion doesn’t make any money off of these

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Top Free Agents Of The MLB Offseason

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 13:50

Although not as funny as Gabriel Iglesias or as good of a singer as Enrique Iglesias, Raisel is the best option baseball wise if you’re choosing an Iglesias.

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Fannie Mae Issues Billions Of Mortgage-Backed NFTs

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 13:10

WASHINGTON—Calling it a no-risk investment guaranteed to appreciate in value over time, Fannie Mae officials announced Thursday that the lender had issued billions of Mortgage-backed NFTs. “This is as stable as they come, over the entire history of NFTs, they have only appreciated in value,” said CEO Hugh Frater, who…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Billy Eppler Takes Mets GM Job To Get Closer To Son Mr. Met

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 11:55

QUEENS, NY—Admitting that some personal reasons had factored in to him accepting the position, new New York Mets general manager Billy Eppler told reporters Thursday that he took the job to get closer to his son Mr. Met. “It’s honestly a dream come true to be able to work in the same organization as my beloved son,”…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Walgreens Customer Really Pushing It With Amount Of Non-Medical Stuff She’s Bringing To Pharmacy Counter

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 09:00

CHICAGO—According to annoyed sources who saw the woman breeze past the long checkout line to the back of the store, a local Walgreens customer was really pushing it Thursday with regards to the amount of non-medical stuff she intended to buy at the pharmacy counter. “If she expects the pharmacist to ring all that up,…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Amazon Fined $500,000 For Concealing Covid Cases From Workers

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 09:00

Amazon has been ordered to pay a fine of $500,000 for hiding the number of Covid-19 cases at its California workplaces from employees, the first fine based on the state’s “right to know” legislation, which gives employers one day to notify staff of detected infection. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

‘I Said Do It,’ Barks Cheesecake Factory CEO As Hesitant Chefs Hold Whole Fried Chicken Over Bowl Of Chocolate Pudding

The Onion - Thu, 2021-11-18 09:00

CALABASAS HILLS, CA—Rushing into action immediately upon seeing the first signs of hesitation, The Cheesecake Factory CEO David Overton angrily demanded a test kitchen chef dunk a whole fried chicken into a nearby bowl of chocolate pudding, sources confirmed Wednesday. “I said put that Alfredo-drizzled fried chicken…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Review: The Boys from Brazil, by Ira Levin

Eric Lee's Blog - Thu, 2021-11-18 05:34

Having recently read a new novel about the creation of a Nazi Fourth Reich set in 2012, I wanted to return to this classic thriller.

I noticed two things immediately: first of all, the prospects of evil Nazis unleashing another nightmare in the world was far more plausible in the mid-1970s when so many of them, including Dr Josef Mengele, were still alive and relatively young. That’s the real horror of books like this one and ‘Marathon Man’ (from the same decade) which were both made into excellent films.

The second thing I noticed is what a great story-teller Ira Levin was. The book is gripping from the first page to the last.

The book was also far ahead of its time in its discussion of the possibility of cloning. What Mengele does in this book has still not been achieved (as far as I know) with humans. But it will happen. Let us just hope that the people cloned are nothing like these boys from Brazil.

Global: Amazon Will Face Black Friday Strikes and Protests in 20 Countries

LabourStart - Wed, 2021-11-17 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: VICE

Bangladesh: Government uses excuses and delay tactics to deny workers their rights

LabourStart - Wed, 2021-11-17 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: ITUC

Poll: 72% Of Americans Keeping Holiday Gatherings To Household

The Onion - Wed, 2021-11-17 17:01

According to a new survey, 72% of poll respondents said they plan to limit their holiday celebrations to members of their household, while 51% will request guests wear masks due to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Exhausted Rockefeller Center Staff Decide To Take It Easy And Go With 3-Foot Artificial LED Christmas Tree This Year

The Onion - Wed, 2021-11-17 15:55

NEW YORK—Saying it had been a stressful year and they just wanted to keep their decorations low-key, burnt-out Rockefeller Center employees confirmed Wednesday they would take it easy this Christmas and opt for a 3-foot-tall artificial tree with pre-lit LEDs. “While going out and cutting down your own 70- or 80-foot…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Disney Acquires All Of America’s Children For $52 Billion

The Onion - Wed, 2021-11-17 14:08

BURBANK, CA—In a landmark deal that had reportedly been in the works for months, The Walt Disney Company acquired all of America’s children Wednesday for $52 billion. “We’ve been fans of America’s youth for a long time now, and we’re excited to finally have them join our robust portfolio of properties,” said Disney…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

TikTok Helps Kidnapper Find Teen

The Onion - Wed, 2021-11-17 12:10

ROLLINGWOOD, TX—Lauding the app for its incredible power, authorities credited TikTok Wednesday for helping a kidnapper find local teenager Hailey Lamb. “People think of TikTok as just some frivolous app for kids, but this just goes to show it can have life-changing applications,” said police lieutenant John Martinez,…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Scottie Pippen Boasts He Would’ve Given Much Better Performance Than Jordan In ‘Space Jam’

The Onion - Wed, 2021-11-17 12:05

LOS ANGELES—Attacking the Chicago Bulls legend for his “massively overrated” line reads, Scottie Pippen boasted Wednesday that he would have given a much better performance than Michael Jordan in Space Jam. “Look, he gets all this praise for a box office smash, but it was really the system around Jordan that elevated…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion
Syndicate content