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Study Shows Mothers Who Outearn Husbands Also Do More Housework

The Onion - Mon, 2022-05-09 08:00

A new study has found that moms actually take on more housework when their salary exceeds their husband’s, with the weekly amount of housework for fathers decreasing from their average of seven hours per week, while mothers’ housework starts increasing from 14 hours per week as her salary begins to eclipse her…

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Longtime Farmers Market Vendor Knows Enthusiasm For New Jam Guy Will Eventually Fade

The Onion - Mon, 2022-05-09 08:00

CLEVELAND—Revealing that he had seen the same old thing happen over and over again, longtime farmers market vendor Bruce Spelman told reporters this week that he knew the enthusiasm for the new jam guy would eventually fade. “Yes, yes, they all fawn over the newcomer for a week or two, but soon the novelty of…

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Grieving Family Comes To Terms With Grandmother’s Death By Accepting That She Sucked

The Onion - Mon, 2022-05-09 08:00

TOPEKA, KS—Gathering to commemorate the loss of the family matriarch, relatives of local deceased woman Barbara King, 87, reportedly came to terms with their grandmother’s death Monday by accepting the fact that she totally sucked. “Sharing photos and stories about Grandma Babs has been an important part of the…

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Review: The Glass Hotel, by Emily St. John Mandel

Eric Lee's Blog - Sun, 2022-05-08 23:18

Having read (and loved) Sea of Tranquility I was surprised to discover the same characters in this earlier book by Emily St. John Mandel. I may be reading the books in the wrong order, but once you realise that time doesn’t flow in normal ways in these novels, it doesn’t really matter. While the more recent book has been labelled a time travel story, which was its appeal for me, this is more of a ghost story. Though neither of those labels are really fully accurate. Let’s just say that these are stories with characters one grows to care about, even if these characters are deeply flawed. I finished the book with a profound sense of sadness, and yet I would recommend it to others. If that makes any sense.

Teacher Embarrassed After Student Recognizes Her Working At Second Job

The Onion - Sat, 2022-05-07 18:00

BROOKLYN, NY—Trying to shrink down on the bench where the girl couldn’t see her, local teacher Sabrina Ionescu was reportedly embarrassed Saturday after a student recognized her working at a second job. “Oh, shit, she’s waving at me,” the seventh-grade history teacher was heard to utter, reportedly hoping that the…

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Fascinated God Attends His First Shabbat Dinner

The Onion - Sat, 2022-05-07 08:00

JERSEY CITY, NJ—Asking lots of questions about all the novel food items and charming rituals, Yahweh, Our Lord God and Creator, reportedly attended His first Shabbat dinner Friday night and was delighted by the experience. “Wow, I can’t believe I’ve never been to one of these before—it’s so interesting!” said the…

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Global: RadioLabour World Report - Belarus arrests unionists against the war

LabourStart - Fri, 2022-05-06 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: RadioLabour

Satanic Temple Asks Boston To Fly Flag After Supreme Court Ruling

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 15:22

The Satanic Temple has requested to fly its flag over Boston City Hall after a recent Supreme Court ruling that the city violated a Christian group’s constitutional free speech rights by refusing to raise a flag bearing the image of a cross. What do you think?

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Study Finds Average Giant Swallows 8 Americans In Sleep Every Year

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 15:20

WASHINGTON—A study released Friday by the National Sleep Foundation found that the average giant swallows as many as eight Americans in their sleep every year. “Our research indicates that slumbering giants swallow a small but statistically significant number of Americans per year, often after the pests…

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Period Tracking App Adds ‘Surrender To Authorities’ Feature

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 14:42

SAN FRANCISCO—In order to stay up-to-date with the latest abortion laws and restrictions, period tracker app Cycle announced Friday that it had added a new “surrender to authorities” feature. “Starting today, users who are several days late or fully miss periods can select their crime, call the police, and confess…

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Greatest Moms In U.S. History

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 13:55

Love them or hate them, none of us would be the incompetent failures we are today without our moms. In honor of all our nation’s mothers, here are the greatest moms in U.S. history.

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Study: Greatest Indicator Of Stress Blowing Hair Off Face While Carrying Complicated Coffee Order For Boss Across Bustling City Streets

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 12:25

NEW YORK—According to a large-scale, comprehensive study published Friday in the Journal Of Cognitive Neuropsychology, blowing hair off one’s face while carrying a complicated coffee order for one’s boss across bustling city streets has been identified as the single greatest indicator of stress. “The act of…

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Potential Roe v. Wade Overturning: How Did We Get Here?

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 11:50

The leak of a draft opinion by Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito to overturn the landmark Roe v. Wade case is giving rise to concerns that abortion could be banned in many U.S. states and is leading many Americans to wonder how the nation got to this point. The Onion looks at the major events and people that have…

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Graduation Audience Tears Up After Skeleton Shows Up To Accept Posthumous Degree

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 10:04

TUCSON, AZ—Moved by the emotion of the moment, the audience at the University of Arizona’s graduation ceremony reportedly teared up Friday after a skeleton showed up to receive his posthumous degree. “Wow, this is a truly beautiful sight to behold,” said spectator Catherine Talbot, who told reporters she was…

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Diminished James Harden Not Flopping With Same Agility

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 10:01

PHILADELPHIA—Responding to questions about his on-court struggles during his team’s playoff series against the Miami Heat, a diminished Philadelphia 76ers guard James Harden admitted Friday that he isn’t flopping with the same agility he used to. “After 13 seasons in the NBA, I’d be lying if I said I could pretend to…

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TurboTax To Pay $141 Million Fine For Steering Customers Away From Free Services

The Onion - Fri, 2022-05-06 08:00

TurboTax owner Intuit agreed to pay $141 million to settle a claim from all 50 states and the District of Columbia that it deceived nearly 4.4 million Americans into paying for tax services that should have been free. What do you think?

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