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Dad Ready To Forgive Dixie Chicks

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 13:49

GLASGOW, KY—Declaring that enough time has passed for everyone to get on with their lives, father of two Albert Wrinn told reporters Thursday that he was ready to forgive crossover-country trio the Dixie Chicks for remarks critical of former President George W. Bush that were made on the eve of the Iraq invasion.…

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Dedication To The Faith: Pope Francis Stayed Up All Night Making A Squarespace Page For Catholicism

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 13:25

As the world leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis has completely dedicated his life to his faith, but what he did last night proves that the pope is willing to go well above and beyond the call of duty in service to his religion: Pope Francis stayed up all night making a Squarespace page for Catholicism.

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Supreme Court Agrees To Hear New Jack White Album

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 13:23

WASHINGTON—In a landmark decision by the country’s highest judicial body, sources confirmed that the U.S. Supreme Court announced Thursday that it had agreed to hear the new Jack White album. “Having already established a precedent when we heard Lazaretto in 2014, we have decided to bring Boarding House Reach before…

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Those Who Do Not Learn From History Are Doomed To Repeat The Renaissance

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 13:03

When we ignore the lessons learned by previous generations, we do so at our own peril. It is foolish, if not the height of hubris, to believe history has nothing to teach us. In our current age, one in which it can seem the world around us is being upended every day, we may be tempted to believe that what has gone on…

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New Rule on Investment Advice Leaves Working People Vulnerable

AFL-CIO Weblog - Thu, 2018-04-19 11:59
New Rule on Investment Advice Leaves Working People Vulnerable

Workers depend on investments in the financial markets to finance our retirements and grow our other long-term savings. That means we need sound investment advice, provided by experts who are looking out for our best interests. While it seems obvious that the people whom we rely on to provide this advice should be required to act in our best interest and not line their own pockets, that is not always the case under current rules. Research shows that, as a result, many working people lose more than one-fourth of their potential retirement paychecks to corrupt financial advice.

Investor advocates have been fighting for decades to close this egregious loophole. On Wednesday, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission proposed a rule called Regulation Best Interest. And while any movement in this area could be viewed as a positive sign, the proposal as is appears to be inadequate.

The devil is in the details, which will take some time to fully understand. The standard of conduct required of brokers appears to fall short of a clear and unambiguous requirement that brokers recommend the best available investment options.

Democratic SEC Commissioner Kara Stein said:

Does this proposal require financial professionals to put their customers’ interests first, and fully and fairly disclose any conflicting interests? No. Does this proposal require all financial professionals who make investment recommendations related to retail customers to do so as fiduciaries? No. Does this proposal require financial professionals to provide retail customers with the best available options? No. 

Could we have proposed a best-interest standard? Yes, we could have proposed such a standard. Unfortunately, we did not.

Commissioner Robert J. Jackson Jr., also a Democratic SEC commissioner, said:

The standard set forth in Regulation Best Interest is far too ambiguous about a question on which there should be no confusion: the duty that investors are owed by those who are entrusted with ordinary families’ economic futures. Americans deserve a clear best-interest rule that places the client’s needs ahead of the broker’s. Period.

The commissioners’ statements say it all. The SEC should have proposed a rule that would stop people who provide investment advice from skimming our savings. The proposal does not do that.

Kenneth Quinnell Thu, 04/19/2018 - 11:59

God Recalls Life-Changing Encounter With 8-Year-Old Boy Who Had Near-Death Experience

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 11:19

THE HEAVENS—Saying that the incident had a profound effect on Him and that He hasn’t been the same since, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, recalled Thursday his life-changing encounter with an 8-year-old boy who had a near-death experience. “I was standing there one day in the brightness of Eternal Life when…

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Tips For Traveling Solo

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 11:13

Taking a trip alone may seem off-putting to some people, but others find it to be a more rewarding experience. The Onion offers tips for solo travel.

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Mom Makes Sure Everyone Has Masturbated Before Long Car Ride

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 11:13

LANARK, IL—Adamant that there would be no unplanned pit stops until her family had reached its destination, local mom Mary Curran reportedly made sure that each of her teenage sons had masturbated to completion Thursday before a long car ride to their grandparents’ house. “It’s going to be three hours—maybe more with…

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200 Million Eggs Recalled In U.S. After Dozens Become Ill

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 10:58

The FDA issued a recall of 207 million eggs from Rose Acre Farms after dozens of non-lethal illnesses led to fears that they may have been contaminated with salmonella. What do you think? 

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Nation’s Liberals Not Sure What To Think After Hearing Special Counsel Has Waterboarded Every Suspect In Trump Investigation

The Onion - Thu, 2018-04-19 10:30

WASHINGTON—Stammering as they struggled to form an opinion about the surprising revelation, the nation’s liberals admitted Thursday they were not sure what to think after hearing U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller had waterboarded every suspect in his investigation into the Trump campaign. “I’ve stood firmly in…

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