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Also, I Shouldn’t Have To Disclose That I Had Sex With A Salmon

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 14:22

On Friday, June 16, ProPublica leveled two shameful and baseless accusations against me. First, that I should have recused myself from cases based on a fishing trip I took with Paul Singer, and second, that I should have filed said trip on a 2008 Financial Disclosure report. Neither charge, however, is valid.

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‘I’m Working Through My Anger Issues, But Even On My Best Days It’s A Struggle,’ Screams Majorie Taylor Greene

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 14:05

WASHINGTON—As a rivalry over competing resolutions to impeach President Joe Biden came to a head Thursday, the simmering feud between Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (GA) and fellow MAGA Republican Rep. Lauren Boebert (CO) burst into public view Tuesday when Greene screamed, “I’m working through my anger issues, but even…

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Critics Say Submersible Should’ve Been Tested With Poorer Passengers First

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 14:00

WASHINGTON—Analyzing the mistakes OceanGate made that led to the vessel’s disappearance, critics told reporters Thursday that the submersible should have been tested with poorer passengers first. “The company skipped the very crucial step of sending five lower-class people to the bottom of the ocean to make sure it…

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Banging Sound Experts Confirm Noise Detected Underwater Sounds Likes Banging Sound

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 13:25

WASHINGTON—Shedding new light on the fate of the missing Titan submersible, noted banging sound expert Stephen Beaumont confirmed Thursday that the noise detected underwater near the site of the OceanGate crew sounded like a banging sound. “Yep, that’s a banging sound,” said Beaumont, PhD, the world’s foremost expert…

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’Til Death Do They Parch

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 12:48
Categories: The Onion

Nation Startled By Loud Noise

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 11:50

WASHINGTON— Jumping at the sudden, unexpected sound, reports across the United States confirmed Thursday that the nation was startled by a loud noise. “Ah! Oh my god, what was that?” said 330 million Americans, noting that their heart just started beating harder. “Seriously, that was scary. It sounded like it was…

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Trump Spends Contemplative Morning In Office Tapping Golf Balls Into Rudy Giuliani’s Mouth

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 11:10

MAR-A-LAGO, FL—Still reeling from the recently unsealed federal indictment that included over 37 felony counts against him, 45th president of the United States Donald Trump spent a contemplative morning in his office Thursday tapping golf balls into Rudy Giuliani’s mouth. “Oh, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, what am I to do?” said…

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Service & Solidarity Spotlight: AFGE Rally During National Day of Action to Fix Lingering Problems at the Social Security Administration

AFL-CIO Weblog - Thu, 2023-06-22 10:44
Service & Solidarity Spotlight: AFGE Rally During National Day of Action to Fix Lingering Problems at the Social Security Administration

Working people across the United States have stepped up to help out our friends, neighbors and communities during these trying times. In our Service & Solidarity Spotlight series, we'll showcase one of these stories every day. Here’s today’s story.

AFGE workers visited Capitol Hill to demand Congress fix the problems festering inside the Social Security Administration (SSA). Reps. Maxwell Frost (Fla.) and Matt Cartwright (Pa.), Social Security Works, and the Center for American Progress joined AFGE leaders for a national day of action. SSA is facing a growing crisis based on staffing attrition that leaves many people in America helpless and without lifesaving resources. SSA workers are facing overwhelming caseloads with little to no support.

“It’s well past time that members of the House and Senate recognize the disrespect of SSA employees that has hung vulnerable Americans out to dry,” said AFGE National President Everett Kelley. “We’re ready to talk to our nation’s leaders about what actually needs to get done in this Agency to see real results.”

AFGE leaders are meeting with members of Congress to discuss necessary changes.

“What we’re seeing now is unacceptable. We deserve better. The American people deserve better,” said Jessica LaPointe, president of AFGE Council 220. “That’s why we’re demanding action from our lawmakers in Washington. Individuals shouldn’t have to die while waiting for determinations on their benefits. Supporting Social Security workers means supporting our American values. Stand with federal employees in advocating for their well-being and every individual who relies on SSA to live."
 

Kenneth Quinnell Thu, 06/22/2023 - 10:44

Pride Month Profiles: Nate Richmond

AFL-CIO Weblog - Thu, 2023-06-22 10:07
Pride Month Profiles: Nate Richmond

For Pride Month this year, the AFL-CIO is spotlighting various LGBTQ+ union members who have worked and continue to work at the intersection of civil and labor rights in the United States. Today's profile is Nate Richmond of the Theatrical Stage Employees (IATSE).

Nate Richmond, IATSE's Canadian office operations manager and chair of the Pride Committee, represents the IATSE on the Canadian Labour Congress’ Solidarity and Pride Working Group. "When it comes to supporting your LGBTQ+ kin, you don’t have to be an expert. You just need an open mind, an open heart, and the willingness to learn," Richmond said.

Kenneth Quinnell Thu, 06/22/2023 - 10:07

Americans React To Hunter Biden’s Guilty Plea

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 07:00

Hunter Biden, the son of sitting President Joe Biden, is expected to plead guilty to two federal misdemeanor counts of failing to pay upwards of $100,000 in income taxes in 2017 and 2018. The Onion asked Americans how they felt about Biden opting to take a plea agreement, and this is what they said.

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White Supremacist Renounces Beliefs After Taking MDMA In Study

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 06:45

According to researchers, a former white nationalist leader said he changed his extremist views after taking the “love drug” MDMA as part of a scientific study. What do you think?

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The Onion’s Guide To Fertility Treatments

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 06:30

Around one in three Americans say they have used fertility treatments or know someone who has in the effort to successfully conceive a child, but there are many considerations that go into choosing a fertility treatment that’s right for you. The Onion takes a deep dive into the kinds of fertility treatments out there.

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Man Wouldn’t Necessarily Describe Himself As At Risk Of Suicide But Definitely Open To It

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 06:15

RIO RANCHO, NM—Providing sources with a wishy-washy response to the question, local man Terrence Chase confirmed Thursday that he would not necessarily describe himself as at risk of suicide, but he was definitely open to it. “It’s not something I would commit to at this time, but who knows, things change—I could be…

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Billionaires Knock Out-Of-Touch Centibillionaires For Not Knowing How Much Gallon Of Adrenochrome Costs

The Onion - Thu, 2023-06-22 06:00

VICTORIA, SEYCHELLES—Insisting that their unimaginable wealth isolated them from the hard day-to-day work of blood harvesting, the world’s billionaires released a collective statement Thursday knocking out-of-touch centibillionaires for not knowing how much a gallon of adrenochrome costs. “These ultra, ultrarich…

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USA: Cleveland-Cliffs, UAW reach tentative agreement at Coshocton steel works

LabourStart US - Wed, 2023-06-21 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: Cleveland Business Journal

USA: Museum of Science and Industry workers unionize

LabourStart US - Wed, 2023-06-21 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: Hyde Pk Herald

USA: ‘It’s about respect’: Union workers at Encore Boston Harbor vote to authorize strike

LabourStart US - Wed, 2023-06-21 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: Boston 25 News

USA: LaborLab's Midyear Report Exposes Companies Engaging in Anti-Union Persuasion

LabourStart US - Wed, 2023-06-21 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: LaborLab

Over 90 Letters Containing Suspicious White Powder Sent To Kansas Lawmakers

The Onion - Wed, 2023-06-21 14:43

Authorities are investigating nearly 100 letters containing a mysterious white powder that were addressed to several Republican lawmakers in Kansas, with the sender referring to themselves in the letters as “your secret despirer.” What do you think?

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