The Onion

Supreme Court Issues Decision Making It Easier To Carry Guns In Public

The Onion - Fri, 2022-06-24 16:01

The Supreme Court has ruled that Americans have a right to carry firearms in public for self-defense, a major expansion of gun rights likely to lead to more people legally armed in cities and beyond. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Anti-Abortion Advocate Excitedly Switches Focus To Shaming Young Unwed Mothers

The Onion - Fri, 2022-06-24 15:05

DALLAS—In the wake of the Supreme Court’s 6-3 decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, local anti-abortion advocate Mary Firkins, 54, excitedly announced Friday that she would now switch her full-time attention to the shaming of young unwed mothers. “It’s been very rewarding these past few decades to value the lives of…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Nation’s Centrists Stubbornly Double Down On Claim That Roe v. Wade Not At Risk

The Onion - Fri, 2022-06-24 14:06

NEW YORK—Asserting there was no need to worry about the highly unlikely outcome, the nation’s centrists reportedly doubled down Friday on their claim that Roe v. Wade was not at risk. “People are blowing this whole idea of overturning Roe completely out of proportion—it’s just not going to happen,” said outspoken…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Kavanaugh, Thomas Champion Creating Better Future For Next Generation Of Rapists

The Onion - Fri, 2022-06-24 13:47

WASHINGTON—In a touching moment following Friday’s Supreme Court’s 5-4 decision overruling Roe v. Wade and eliminating the constitutional right to an abortion, Justices Brett Kavanaugh and Clarence Thomas reportedly championed the better future they’d created for the next generation of rapists. “We did it, my…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Things To Never Say To Someone Who Just Came Out

The Onion - Fri, 2022-06-24 08:00

Coming out as LGBTQIA+ is a pivotal moment in someone’s life, so it’s always best to not fuck that up. If you want to be a good ally, never say the following things.

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Failure To Stand On One Leg For 10 Seconds Linked To Increased Risk Of Death

The Onion - Fri, 2022-06-24 08:00

According to a new study, middle-aged people who cannot stand on one leg for at least 10 seconds are at higher risk of dying within the next decade, with researchers saying the simple balance test may be useful to include in routine physical exams for people over 50. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Canada Banning Single-Use Plastics

The Onion - Thu, 2022-06-23 15:13

Canada will be banning the manufacture and importation of single-use plastics by the end of the year, in a sweeping effort to fight pollution and climate change. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion
Syndicate content