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Updated: 12 hours 13 min ago

Man Realizes ‘The Texas Chain Saw Massacre’ Actually Pretty Creepy After Rewatching It As Adult

Fri, 2021-12-31 09:00

LEBANON, NH—Saying he was stunned by the film’s macabre subject matter, area man Tyler Duchesne told reporters Friday that he had never realized The Texas Chain Saw Massacre is actually pretty creepy until he viewed it for the first time as an adult. “Back when I was a kid, it never occurred to me that the movie’s…

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Idiotic New Year’s Resolutions You’ll Never Actually Keep

Thu, 2021-12-30 09:00

With another challenging year finally coming to a close, it’s time to turn over a new leaf and attempt—with little success—to improve yourself. Here are several common idiotic New Year’s resolutions you’ll never actually keep.

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New Initiative Decreases Stigma Against Homeless By Making Majority Of People Homeless

Thu, 2021-12-30 09:00

SAN DIEGO—In an effort to decrease the widespread social shaming often associated with being unhoused, a new city initiative unveiled Thursday reportedly aims to decrease stigma against the homeless by making the majority of people homeless. “It’s our hope that we’ll see more empathy with our homeless population by…

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Italian Dentist Presents Fake Arm For Vaccination To Get Pass

Thu, 2021-12-30 09:00

A dentist in Italy faces possible criminal charges after trying to use a fake silicone arm to receive a coronavirus vaccine in order to obtain a “super” health pass required to enter restaurants and venues in Italy. What do you think?

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Dollar General Opening New Store For Wealthier Shoppers

Thu, 2021-12-30 09:00

Dollar General will be opening 1,000 locations for its new store called Popshelf, which is aimed at younger, wealthier, suburban customers, selling higher-profit items like home goods and seasonal decor. What do you think?

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Man Carefully Places Piece Of Paper In Back Pocket To Make Sure It Will Go Through Washing Machine

Thu, 2021-12-30 09:00

CROFTON, MD—Conscientiously stowing away the important note, local man Gary Chen carefully placed a piece of paper in his back pocket Thursday to make sure it would end up going through the washing machine. “Gotta make sure to keep this in a safe spot,” said Chen of the piece of paper containing important information…

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Woman Disgusted After Finding Out There Over 2,000 Calories In Recommended Daily Intake

Thu, 2021-12-30 09:00

KENNESAW, GA—Shuddering at the thought of what eating that much might do to her body, local woman Jessica Hummel was reportedly disgusted Thursday after finding out there were well over 2,000 calories in her recommended daily intake. “Jesus, I knew it was probably a lot, but I didn’t think it would be that bad,” said…

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Signs You’ve Become A Total Wine Snob

Wed, 2021-12-29 09:00

Not everyone can drink rotten juice and look smart while doing it. Here are several signs you’ve become a total wine snob.

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Disney’s Hall Of Presidents Opens Exhibit Of Historic Shadow Leaders Who Really Ran Country

Wed, 2021-12-29 09:00

ORLANDO, FL—Eschewing its typical round of publicity, Disney World quietly opened a side exhibit within its Hall Of Presidents attraction Wednesday featuring the historic shadow leaders who have really run the country since its founding. “The show takes place in a narrow hallway, which is only accessible via an…

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Poll: 43% Of Adults Say They Have Financially Cheated On Their Partner

Wed, 2021-12-29 09:00

According to a new poll, some 43% of adults with combined finances in a relationship said they’ve committed an act of financial deception, ranging from lying to their partner or spouse about money to hiding things such as cash, bills or a purchase. What do you think?

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Woman Attempts To Hire Assassin From RentAHitman.com

Wed, 2021-12-29 09:00

A Michigan woman faces up to nine years in prison after pleading guilty to solicitation of murder for trying to hire someone to kill her ex-husband on the fake website, RentAHitman.com, where she filled out the “service request form” with a $5,000 offer of payment. What do you think?

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Report: Majority Of Americans Would Support A New War If There Were Elephants Involved

Wed, 2021-12-29 09:00

STANFORD, CA—Since the darkest days of the War on Terror, popular support for overseas military conflicts has dwindled among Americans, but according to a report released Wednesday by the Hoover Institution, the majority of the nation would approve of a new war if elephants were used in combat. “Of all potential…

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Man With Deep Sadness Over Never Finding Someone Who Truly Knows Him Labeled ‘The Crazy Uncle’

Wed, 2021-12-29 09:00

TEMPE, AZ—Fixating on his rotating series of girlfriends and tendency to drink too much wine during holidays, local family the Bellingers told reporters Wednesday that their deeply sad relative Andrew, who longs to find just one person who truly understands him, was “the crazy uncle.” “Uncle Andy starts drinking and…

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Experts Warn Nation’s Aging Sewer Infrastructure Could Be Just One Huge Turd Away From Collapse

Tue, 2021-12-28 09:00

WASHINGTON—Noting a massive amount of pressure that had been slowly building in the system for years, experts warned Tuesday that the nation’s aging sewer infrastructure could be just one huge turd away from total collapse. “At this point, all it would take is for one person to eat too much of something they…

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Biggest Mistakes All Gun Owners Make

Tue, 2021-12-28 09:00

When bullets, gun powder, and idiots mix, sometimes the results can be disastrous. Here are the biggest mistakes all gun owners make.

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Study: Climate Change Causing Albatross ‘Divorce’

Tue, 2021-12-28 09:00

A new study has found that albatross, known to be monogamous creatures, are separating from their life partners at a higher rate, with researchers saying that climate change is negatively impacting breeding conditions, leading the seabirds to find new partners. What do you think?

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Walmart Using Driverless Trucks In Delivery Pilot Program

Tue, 2021-12-28 09:00

Walmart has started doing fully driverless box truck deliveries on a fixed seven-mile loop in Arkansas between its own locations as part of a delivery pilot program to test shipping stock from a warehouse to one of its stores. What do you think?

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Homeowner’s Ring Security Alerts Now Just Texting News Stories About Black-On-Black Crime

Tue, 2021-12-28 09:00

ELYRIA, OH—Silencing her phone in frustration after the day’s fourth unprompted alert, local homeowner Delia Reid confirmed Tuesday that her Ring home security camera was now just texting her news stories about Black-on-Black crime. “Nothing at my house has gone wrong at all, but I can’t go 20 minutes without getting…

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