Feed aggregator

Amy Coney Barrett Worried Rest Of Feminist Book Club Mad At Her

The Onion - Thu, 2022-06-30 13:00

WASHINGTON—Noting a palpable shift in the group’s attitude since the last time they met, Supreme Court justice Amy Coney Barrett expressed concern Thursday that the rest of the women in her feminist book club were mad at her about something. “Everyone keeps giving me the cold shoulder, and I can’t for the life of me…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Biggest Lies Americans Are Taught About The 4th Of July

The Onion - Thu, 2022-06-30 07:56

While Independence Day can be a time of patriotic celebration, reports show many Americans still believe myths and outright lies about the origins of the national holiday. Here are the biggest lies Americans are taught about the Fourth of July.

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Completely Legal Reasons Pharmacists Can Use To Refuse Birth Control

The Onion - Thu, 2022-06-30 07:15

In most U.S. states, pharmacists are legally allowed to deny healthcare to customers if it interferes with their personal or religious beliefs. Here are completely legal reasons pharmacists can give to refuse dispensing birth control.

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Airbnb Banning Party Houses Permanently

The Onion - Thu, 2022-06-30 07:00

Airbnb is permanently banning all parties and events at host properties around the world, which includes open-invite gatherings, while offering a tip line that allows neighbors or others to report parties. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

The Causes Of Higher Gas Prices

The Onion - Thu, 2022-06-30 06:30

With gas prices skyrocketing, many Americans are debating the causes. As with most things, many Americans are completely fucking wrong, so The Onion created an easy graphical representation that breaks down what’s driving gas prices higher.

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Man Disgusted After Shining Blacklight On Ejaculating Penis

The Onion - Thu, 2022-06-30 06:15

CALISTOGA, CA—Turning off the lights of his hotel room and immediately wincing in utter revulsion, local man Kenny Porter told reporters he was disgusted Thursday after shining a blacklight on his ejaculating penis. “Ugh, god, it was terrible, the second I flipped the switch, there were neon spots everywhere, starting…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Global: As International Capitalism Changes, So Do Workers' Responses

LabourStart - Wed, 2022-06-29 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: AIIA

Former Aide: Trump Was Told Protesters Had Weapons On Jan. 6

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 15:18

Former White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson testified Tuesday that despite Donald Trump being informed that the protesters outside the White House on Jan. 6 had weapons, he told officials to “let my people in” and march to the Capitol. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Love Fact: Did You Know?

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 14:00
Categories: The Onion

The Onion Shares Its Social Media Guidelines For Reporters

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 14:00

Many of America’s lesser newsrooms have recently grappled with setting guidelines for reporters’ use of social media, wary of staffers expressing their personal beliefs and compromising their credibility in the eyes of the public. America’s Finest News Source is no different, and in the spirit of transparency, we are…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Migrant Imprisoned At Border Should Weep In English

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 11:50

SIERRA BLANCA, TX—Expressing annoyance that the detainee did not even appear to be making the effort, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Jonathan Pena confirmed Wednesday that a migrant in his custody could at least weep in English. “You may be detained in squalid conditions, but you’re in squalid…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Hospital Vaporized By Powerful Blast Of Energy Released From Splitting Conjoined Twins

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 10:55

JOHNSTOWN, OH—In a devastating surgical disaster of cataclysmic proportions, a local hospital was vaporized Wednesday by a massive, uncontainable blast of energy released from the splitting of conjoined twins. “We saw a bright flashing light, and then felt a shock wave that reverberated for miles,” said local…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Pete Buttigieg’s Locomotive Always Taking Up 2 Whole Parking Spots

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 07:00

WASHINGTON—Condemning the cabinet member for being so inconsiderate, Department of Transportation sources confirmed Wednesday that Pete Buttigieg’s locomotive was always taking up two whole parking spots. “You get one reserved parking spot, not two; I don’t care how big your vehicle is,” said Regina Merrill, one of…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Americans Discuss Whether Biden Should Run Again

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 06:45

Many are concerned about Joe Biden’s physical and mental fitness to serve another presidential term. The Onion asked Americans if Biden should run again, and this is what they said.

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Flu Vaccine Linked To 40% Reduced Risk Of Alzheimer’s Disease

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 06:30

According to a new study, ​​people who received at least one influenza vaccine were 40% less likely than their non-vaccinated peers to develop Alzheimer’s disease over the course of four years. What do you think?

Read more...

Categories: The Onion

Dumbass Kid Bringing Mitt To MLB Game Must Think He’s Actually Going To Play

The Onion - Wed, 2022-06-29 06:00

ANAHEIM—Earning looks of incredulity and pity from fans at his breathtaking stupidity, a dumbass kid bringing a mitt to a Major League Baseball game reportedly must think he’s actually going to play. “Yeah, they’re definitely going to glance into the upper deck and sign this 60-pound kid to come man shortstop because…

Read more...

Categories: The Onion
Syndicate content