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Social Media Mistakes That Could Definitely Cost You Your Job

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-13 12:50

The internet is supposed to be for procrastinating doing your job, not getting fired from it. Unless you want to get in some serious trouble, avoid making any of the following social media mistakes.

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Newly Uncovered Manuscript Reveals China Invented English Language 700 Years Before Western World

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-13 11:17

BEIJING—Shedding new light on the origins of the world’s most popular language, an international team of linguists announced Thursday that a newly uncovered manuscript confirms China invented both spoken and written English 700 years before the Western world. “These remarkably well-preserved bamboo slips appear to…

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The General Strike: Past, Present, Future with Jon Bekken, editor of the Anarcho-Syndicalist Review

Boston Labor Solidarity Committee - Thu, 2022-01-13 11:04

General strikes have toppled governments, put down military coups, won shorter work hours, and forced employers to recognize unions. General strikes have shut down entire industries, and brought entire cities under workers’ control – at least for a time. General strikes demonstrate our enormous power, our ability to make a new world, should we organize to win it. They cause bosses the whole world over to tremble. We will explore the history of general strikes, and the possibilities for rebuilding a labor movement capable of wielding so powerful a force. Fellow worker Jon Bekken was a long time IWW member, is an editor of the Anarcho-Syndicalist Review, and a life-long labor activist. A Q&A follows Jon’s presentation with guests at the Democracy Center (Cambridge, MA) and over Zoom. This event was hosted by the Boston Labor Solidarity Committee: https://bostonlsc.wordpress.com/

Study: More Parents Opting For One Big Baby Over Multi-Child Household

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-13 10:42

HYATTSVILLE, MD—In what has emerged as an increasingly popular parenting option, a new study released Wednesday by the National Center for Health Statistics has found that more parents are declining to have multiple children in favor of having just one big baby and stopping there. “Many of the parents surveyed…

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L.A. Police Officers Fired For Playing Pokémon GO During Active Robbery

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-13 09:00

An appeals court has upheld the firing of two Los Angeles police officers who ignored a call requesting backup to the scene of a nearby robbery so that they could pursue a Pokémon GO virtual game character. What do you think?

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Poet Maya Angelou Becomes First Black Woman To Be Featured On U.S. Quarter

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 15:27

The U.S. Mint has begun shipping out the first quarters featuring prominent women in American history, beginning with poet, writer, and activist Maya Angelou, the first Black woman to appear on the coin. What do you think?

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Things Never To Say To Someone With A Breakthrough Case Of Covid

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 12:30

In the era of the novel coronavirus, it can be difficult to know how to discuss infections with family, friends, and coworkers, and that’s become even more true with the recent rise of breakthrough cases. Here are some serious faux pas to avoid when talking to someone with a breakthrough case of Covid-19.

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Shitty Music Has Helped Moron Through Hardest Times In His Pointless Life

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 11:56

CLEVELAND—Praising the incredible healing power of terrible art, local moron Todd Beram credited shitty music with helping him through some of the hardest times in his pointless life, sources confirmed Wednesday. “During some of my lowest moments, when I feel like I just want to disappear or that I can’t possibly go…

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Wishing A Happy 20-Year Anniversary To Guantánamo Bay Detention Camp

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 11:54

The Guantánamo Bay detention camp in Cuba welcomed its first detainees 20 years ago, inaugurating one of the most controversial elements of the U.S. war on terror. The Onion celebrates the first 20 years of the Gitmo.

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Breakthrough Procedure Allows Surgeons To Transplant Pig Rib Directly Into Human Mouth

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 11:46

BALTIMORE—Hailing the new treatment as a breakthrough in medical techniques, surgeons at the University of Baltimore announced Wednesday that they had successfully developed a new procedure to transplant a pig rib into a human mouth. “The way the procedure works is we remove the rib from a pig, brush it with a…

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Sobering Effects

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 11:44
Categories: The Onion

Dolphins Have Fully Functioning Clitoris, Study Finds

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 09:00

New research has found that female dolphins, who copulate throughout the year as a way to forge and maintain social bonds, have a fully functional clitoris with sensory nerves and erectile bodies that help them experience pleasure during sex, just as it does for humans. What do you think?

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Dying Dad Wondering If You Hit Traffic On Way To Hospital

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 09:00

BETHLEHEM, PA—Pausing between each labored word as his family gathered around him, local dying dad Phil Piermont was reportedly wondering Wednesday if you hit traffic on your way to the hospital. “Did you take 22? It’s a little congested by the exit, right?” said your father, taking a deep breath to push through…

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Bank Hostages Whining As If They Not Getting Whole Day Off Work

The Onion - Wed, 2022-01-12 09:00

NEW YORK—Refusing to maintain a good attitude and make the most of the situation, hostages at a midtown branch of People’s United Bank reportedly spent Wednesday whining as if they weren’t getting the whole day off work. “Jeez, I understand that getting tied up and thrown in the vault might be a little annoying,…

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Kazakhstan: Fundamental change needed

LabourStart - Tue, 2022-01-11 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: ITUC

Robert Durst, Real Estate Heir Convicted Of Murder, Dies

The Onion - Tue, 2022-01-11 18:20

Robert Durst, the New York millionaire convicted of murdering his best friend 20 years ago and who has been linked to his wife’s unsolved disappearance in 1982, has died three months after being sentenced to life in prison. What do you think?

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Fact Sheet: Curing Your Covid-19 With Urine

The Onion - Tue, 2022-01-11 16:39

Christopher Key, the leader of the “Vaccine Police” organization that opposes Covid-19 vaccinations, recently shared that drinking urine could cure coronavirus. As the world’s leading nonpartisan news source, The Onion strives to give our readers the facts and let them decide what is true. Here’s a fact sheet…

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