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Scientists Name Endangered Tree After Leonardo DiCaprio

The Onion - Fri, 2022-01-07 15:51

Scientists in London have honored Leonardo DiCaprio by naming an endangered tree after him, stating that the actor “was crucial in helping to stop the logging” of the Cameroon rainforest where it grows. What do you think?

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Pope Chides ‘Selfish’ Couples Who Choose Pets Over Children

The Onion - Fri, 2022-01-07 14:48

Stating that it “takes away our humanity,” Pope Francis made comments criticizing the selfishness of couples who choose to have dogs and cats instead of children. What do you think?

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Worst Traffic Jams Of All Time

The Onion - Fri, 2022-01-07 11:42

Hundreds of drivers in Virginia were stuck for almost 24 hours earlier this week after a multi-truck crash was exacerbated by a blizzard. The Onion looks back at the worst traffic jams of all time.

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Man Gives Himself Little Treat For Getting Through Day

The Onion - Fri, 2022-01-07 09:00

TRENTON, NJ—Saying it would be a nice way to unwind after a grueling eight hours at work, local man Patrick McCormick reportedly gave himself a little treat Wednesday for getting through the day. “Man, it’s really great to take the edge off with a nice little treat after a total slog like today,” said McCormick,…

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Congress Preparing For Another January 6 By Enrolling In Group Karate Class

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 17:56

WASHINGTON—Nervously fiddling with their new white belts as they waited for their instructor in the training hall, U.S. Congress members reportedly prepared for another Jan. 6 on Thursday by participating in a group class at the D.C.-area True Method Karate Studio. “We simply cannot allow what happened last year to…

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CES Presenter Strangled By Tree Root As Nature Begins Revolt Against Technological Domination

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 16:55

WINCHESTER, NV—In a turn of events that sent attendees and tech reporters fleeing in terror, sources confirmed Consumer Electronics Show presenter Adam Pawlak was strangled to death by a tree root Friday as nature revolted against 10,000 years of human technological domination. Witnesses confirmed that Pawlak had …

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2022 Grammy Awards Postponed

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 16:20

Grammy organizers have announced that the award show, originally slated for Jan. 31, will be rescheduled for an undetermined later date, citing “the uncertainty surrounding the Omicron variant.” What do you think?

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Biden Vows Not To Forget Lessons Of January 6: ‘We Must Hang Mike Pence’

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 15:56

WASHINGTON—In a stirring speech at the U.S. Capitol Thursday morning, President Joe Biden vowed not to forget the lessons of the Jan. 6 riot, urging Americans to hang former Vice President Mike Pence. “We stand here today to declare that we will not back down in the face of tyranny, and we will gut the traitor Pence…

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Must-Read Reflections On The January 6 Capitol Riot

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 15:17

It’s been one year since supporters of then-President Donald Trump breached the U.S. Capitol in an effort to overturn his 2020 election loss, and pretty much everyone has thoughts about it. The Onion sifts through the many Jan. 6 essays published by lesser news organizations to find the smartest and most worthwhile…

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Virginia Motorists Stuck On I-95 For Harrowing 24 Hours

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 15:06

A snowstorm stranded Virginia motorists on Interstate 95 for more than 24 hours, forcing hundreds to spend the night in their cars amid freezing temperatures, some with little to no food or water. What do you think?

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Hair, There, and Everywhere

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 10:13
Categories: The Onion

Lost Journal Entry Reveals Lewis And Clark Nearly Turned Back After Tripping Over Tree Root

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 10:08

WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the early trials the famed explorers encountered on their sojourn across the American West, a lost journal entry acquired Thursday by the Smithsonian Institution reveals that Meriwether Lewis and William Clark nearly turned back after tripping over a tree root. “In our observations of the…

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‘The Onion’ Remembers Betty White

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 10:06

Betty White died on Dec. 31, 2021, after an entertainment career spanning seven decades. The Onion looks back at the most memorable moments from her star-studded life.

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U.S. Democracy Under Siege After Tech Lobbyist Invites Some Senators To Dinner

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 10:05

WASHINGTON—In what both ordinary citizens and experts agreed was a threat to the nation’s political system, American democracy reportedly came under siege Thursday after a tech lobbyist invited some senators to dinner. “Rarely do we see such a brazen attack on our democratic values, and yet we could only watch in …

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Man Can’t Help But Be Proud Of Strong Tortilla Chip

The Onion - Thu, 2022-01-06 09:00

SHREWSBURY, MA—Praising the corn-based product’s tenacity and refusal to give up, local man Noah Hiatt told reporters Thursday that he couldn’t help but be proud of a strong tortilla chip. “I’m not taking it easy on this guy, but he just goes on shouldering this weight no matter how many nacho toppings I pile on,”…

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Spain: Historic victories for Just Eat and Deliveroo workers in Europe

LabourStart - Wed, 2022-01-05 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: UNI Global Union

Kazakhstan: Kazakh Oil, Gas Facility Workers Go On Strike As Rallies Continue In Republic - Reports

LabourStart - Wed, 2022-01-05 20:00
LabourStart headline - Source: UrduPoint / CNN
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